


A Tail of Light

by Naturestar44



Series: Fortuitous Flames are by Design [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Foxes, M/M, Maybe other ships - Freeform, Slow Burn, also Chan being teased a lot, and indignant, annoying foxes, but hopefully nothing too serious, featuring Changbin being a whiny baby, foxes are critical here, if this looks familiar it's probably cuz I started this on wattpad, jeongin accidentally doing a lot of weird stuff, jisung terrible cooking skills, mysterious themes, non au but with powers, powers, probably multiple injuries, slow and sporadic updates, starts in I am NOT era, the title is a pun please appreciate it, what a throwback
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21787234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naturestar44/pseuds/Naturestar44
Summary: Yang Jeongin, newly debuted as the adorable maknae of Stray Kids and excessively coddled by his members. But in reality, he's the glue and the stability of the group.What happens when one night steals all of that stability? When suddenly he can't help himself, let alone help others? Will he lean on his members and become stronger, or will he lose control, hurting himself and everyone he loves?
Relationships: Lee Minho | Lee Know/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: Fortuitous Flames are by Design [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570423
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

I groaned as my eyes squeezed shut. My head felt like it was stuffed with weights. My limbs were aching and sinking heavily into the mattress. My nose twitched the slightest bit, and it was then that my sluggish mind finally realized what had pulled me from my slumber. 

Something was tickling my nose, brushing against it ever so slightly. It was barely noticeable, but it was persistent. Even now I felt it slide across my nose again, and my brow crinkled ever so slightly in my annoyance. The vivid colors of my dreams were slipping away from me. All I could remember were vibrant shapes and fast movements, running and jumping and flying. I wanted to slip back into the world my mind had created for me, where everything was overdone and nonsensical. I could feel my brain slowly waking up and realizing that flying was impossible.

I felt it again, the ghost feeling that slid smoothly over my nose. I wished it would go away. I just want to _sleep_ , but it wasn’t stopping any time soon. As I made to open my eyes, the crust that lined them resisted me. I raised a leaden hand to rub my eyes clumsily. My hand refused to form a fist as a I rubbed, but my eyelids were slowly peeling open. It was then that I realized just how exhausted I was. My heavy limbs, my crusted eyes, my head filled with metal cotton, and my chest felt like a brick was sitting on it. Every part of me felt weighed down, and I felt drenched in sweat. I was almost sure that my sheets were soaked in it; I felt disgusting.

When I opened my eyes, I finally realized why my chest felt weighed down. Sitting on my chest was a… fox? It glowed faintly in a sunset orange color, and I wondered how I hadn’t realized the glow earlier in my pitch black bedroom. Dawn hadn’t even come, not a sliver of light passed through my windows. The only light came burning from the fox in front of me. It seemed small for a fox, maybe it was a child fox? A foxlet? It wasn’t really important.

The fox was sitting like statue, eyes staring deep into mine. I broke eye-contact quickly and suppressed a shiver, its eyes were a reddish brown and gold flecks seemed to swim in them… creepy. Its tail was curled around its body, so that as it swished back and forth airily it just barely hit my nose. So the tail was the culprit all along.

The fox let out a small noise somewhere between a pur and a growl, and my eyes shot back to its face. Instead of the realistic detail I’d expect from a live animal sitting on my chest, the fox’s features seemed to be blurred in its glow. I couldn’t pick out a single hair on its body, they all seemed to flow together in strokes of reds and oranges. I couldn’t even see its whiskers. Only its eyes were detailed, they were still staring at me eerily, trying to read my mind like a script. The more I stared into its eyes, the less it looked like a fox…. strange.

When I looked away, I saw gold flecks swimming all around my room, and orange light started seeping into my room from the corners. I frowned in confusion, but the fox let out another growl that recaptured my attention. The fox was entirely engulfed in that orange glow. It looked like a very, very bright... ghost. Even its eyes were losing their detail. I watched as they turned from speckled pools into orbs of yellow. The gold flecks collected quickly, overtaking its irises, its pupils, everything, until I was squinting from the harsh light of a fox made entirely from light.

My chest no longer felt weighed down, the fox was weightless, just like light. I reached out a shaking hand to see if it was tangible, but just before my hand would have brushed the tip of its right ear, it turned and leapt off my bed. I struggled to sit up underneath my covers, looking down to see that it had landed primly on the floor, not making a sound on the hardwood.

It stared at me for a few more seconds until it turned again to pace gracefully to the door. There it paused and looked back at me, obviously wanting me to follow. Follow I did, as if in a trance, not even pausing to wonder at the way its body melted through the door. Instead I turned the doorknob silently and crept into the shadowed hallway, careful not to wake anyone else.

The fox… spirit, for so it looked now, led me down the hallway, through the kitchen, past the couch, and eventually out of the dorm entirely. I kept my eyes glued to the orange light, and my steps followed my eyes until the spirit suddenly stopped. My feet nearly tangled up and twisted underneath me as I rushed to halt my steps. I finally looked away from the light to notice my surroundings.

The fox spirit had led me to the roof. It crouched just a few paces away from the wall that edged the roof. I had stopped much farther away, at about the middle of the roof, surrounded only by concrete and the cold black of the night. I looked up and saw stars dancing in the sky. They were lit brighter than I’d ever seen before, dare I say I even saw a few moving and changing colors. I tried to find the constellations my father had shown me when I was just a toddler, but I couldn’t recognize a single star in the sky. Not even the North Star was visible… the longer I looked, the less familiar the stars became. New stars kept lighting up, and my head swam in confusion at the heavily populated space above me.

I reached a hand out as if to grasp a star that had just turned red. Suddenly I was taller or the sky was shorter because my head was amongst the stars and my hand was only a hair's breadth away from that red star.

My breath caught in my throat as my fingers curled around the star. It beat strangely in my hand, not seeming to keep to a single pattern or a speed. It was warm too, almost too hot to hold. I looked back up to pluck the star that had been next to my new treasure. It had glowed a frosty blue, attracting me just a second after the one in my hand. 

But when I looked up the stars were already leagues above me, worlds away. I watched as the new stars winked out before my very eyes and the old ones settled back into their original colors and places. There in front of me I spotted the North Star, shining constantly like it had never disappeared at all. 

The red star was still beating in my hand, its warm glow seeping past my fingers and reminding me of the cold air that embraced my clammy skin.

The fox spirit growled again ahead of me, annoyed at my distracted state. It paced back and forth several times before crouching back and lifting up its tail. I didn’t know much about foxes, but it looked like it was about to pounce. I backed up in fear, my feet catching on the rough cement beneath me. I winced in pain as my foot landed upon a particularly sharp rock, my body instinctively curling in on itself as I hissed and grabbed my foot in pain.

That was when the fox moved. It leapt from its position in a split second, racing towards me with incredible speed. Its eyes glowed a fierce yellow, the light from them shone like spotlights. I barely had time to put my foot back on the ground as it reached me. It jumped high, and I braced myself for impact, but it passed straight through my chest instead. 

I felt nothing as its light diffused through my whole body. I saw my limbs glowing bright orange for a second, my veins turning an angry red that clashed horribly with the soft light. I blinked and the light disappeared, my skin once again dull and shadowed in the night. 

The wind whistled past my ears and my hands hung empty by my sides. I breathed in the scent of the night, letting the cold bite at my nose and wake me from my trance. The fox was gone. I turned around and around where I stood, but no matter how hard I looked, the roof was empty. The star was gone too, and suddenly I realized how alone and exposed I was. 

The sky was stretched out before me, extending miles past the skyscrapers in the distance. I looked up to see a star wink a familiar frosty blue, and then everything went dark.

“Hey! Wake up, it’s half past noon already!”

I groaned and opened my eyes to the glare of my room lights. I squinted instinctively under their harsh light. The hands that had been aggressively shaking my shoulder stopped, lingering for a second before removing themselves entirely. 

My white ceiling greeted my muddled brain as my dreams slipped away from me. The vivid colors and fast movements of the world my mind had created slowly left me until all I was left with was the memory of two golden eyes and a single phrase imprinted on the inside of my eyelids.

_You chose your tail, use it wisely._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginnings

“Jeongin-ah, can you close your eyes please?”

Jeongin snapped his eyes away from the mirror, refocusing on the stylist noona in front of him. She was holding up a tiny brush and gesturing at his eyes. He assumed it was for eyeshadow, but he still wasn’t familiar with all of these makeup products they used. A few months ago Jeongin hardly knew the difference between foundation and concealer, let alone the existence of the dozens of products the stylists noonas liked to paint his face with.

Jeongin closed his eyes, and the stylist put the glittery powder on as he thought back to when he didn’t know anything about makeup… 

_ A few months ago Jeongin was just a trainee in JYP Entertainment. Every day was waking up early to get to school and then rushing back to practice for hours afterwards. It was short nights and short meals and little time for friends, but he still couldn’t help but feel thankful that he had been given a chance to be something.  _

_ When Jeongin was first accepted a trainee, he was so ecstatic he hadn’t stopped smiling for 3 days straight. His older brother had said that he was smiling so much he would blind all the trainees at the company and scare them away with his braces. Not even his teasing could bring Jeongin down though.  _

_ The first time his smile wavered was after walking into the building. He’d just been given a tour by one of the noonas who had been waiting at the front desk. She’d left him to get acquainted with my practice rooms, but the minute she walked out Jeongin realized he was horribly, awkwardly alone in a hallway of a building he had no experience in.  _

_ All the rooms around him were filled with trainees practicing their dance, singing, and rapping skills. He had even seen a boy playing the piano in a room down the hall, he looked to be a few years older than Jeongin. He was only on the trainee floor but was still intimidated by all the hyungs and noonas around him that just looked so talented. Jeongin had barely gotten in on his trot singing alone. He knew he had a long way to go before he could match everyone around him.  _

_ It was there in that hallway that Jeongin met his very first friend at the company. Chan had been the one to take him to his first practices, introduce Jeongin to his friends, and make him feel comfortable in a new place. Jeongin owed him so much for that, but that was just his personality. He was convinced Chan had some kind of savior complex because he was always welcoming new people under his wing if they looked lost. _

_ Eventually Chan had found so many lost boys like Jeongin that he’d amassed a group. Jokingly Chan had begun to refer to them as ‘stray kids,’ but over time those words ingrained themselves into their minds and hearts, and they took it up as their name. Chan guided his stray kids through to their survival, with a few bumps along the way. Eventually they got JYP-sunbaenim to see sense and let them all stick together on our way to debut. That was three months ago… _

Now Jeongin was sitting backstage, getting ready to perform at Mnet. It was the first week of promotions after their debut. All their fans seemed to love their debut song, District 9. They had worked really hard to make a good performance, District 9 had a  _ really _ hard dance! But all those hours of sweating and dying in the practice rooms were worth it for their fans. Jeongin scrunched his nose, he was starting to sound as sentimental as Felix and Chan. 

Suddenly Jeongin felt a hand on his shoulder. He was so lost in thought that he almost jumped out of his seat. Jeongin looked up to see Chan’s dimple staring him in the face. 

Jeongin pouted, “hyung don’t laugh, you startled me!”

“Sorry Jeongin-ah,” Chan said, but his smile didn’t look like he was very sorry. Jeongin kept pouting as he continued, “I just wanted to come ask if you were okay, you’ve looked pretty out of it today.”

“Well jeez hyung, I really feel the love,” Jeongin said sarcastically. He winced as Chan smacked his shoulder playfully.

“That wasn’t what I meant and you know it Jeongin,” he said, pointing at the maknae in fake annoyance.

“Ai-, hyuung, I know that,” Jeongin sighed, “I’m fine, really, hyung. There’s nothing to worry about,” Jeongin lifted his eyebrows earnestly at Chan’s doubtful expression, which turned out to be a mistake because the stylist was trying to fill them in. Jeongin shrank under her momentary glare, whispering an apology and putting his eyebrows down so she could continue her work. Why his eyebrows needed makeup, Jeongin had no clue, but he wasn’t one to question the stylists. The last time that happened, Jisung had walked away looking even more scared than the time he had stolen Woojin’s chicken.

Jeongin smiled up at Chan, since he was still looming over him with fatherly concern. Jeongin rolled his eyes inwardly, Channie sometimes forgot he was only 4 years older than Jeongin instead of 40. 

“Really Channie-hyung, I’m  _ fine _ ,” Jeongin told him, making sure to widen his smile just the  _ tiniest  _ bit. He was very aware of how adorable the fans found it, and Jeongin’s hyungs were no match for it either. It was annoying being treated like a little kid all the time, and sometimes he suffocated in the “cuddles” Hyunjinnie-hyung and Seungminnie-hyung tried to give him, but it did have its perks. Like right now, as Jeongin watched Chan’s eyes soften under his maknae power. 

“Okay, okay,” Chan sighed, “but tell me if anything is ever wrong or if something is bothering you, Jeongin-ah, okay?”

“O _ kay _ hyung, you’re worse than my dad, you know,” Jeongin told him. Chan rolled his eyes, faking insult, but Jeongin saw the way his smile tipped up a bit at the comment. That crazy hyung really thought the idea of Jeongin being his child was endearing. Jeongin shook my head lightly as Chan walked away, but he couldn’t help but give thought to the reason for his concern. 

Jeongin had been woken up by Seungmin shaking him that morning. He and Seungminnie-hyung were usually the first two people to wake up every morning, so it was weird being woken up second-to-last (of course no one could beat out Hyunjinnie-hyung for sleeping late). Seungmin had looked concerned too, it was well-known that Jeongin woke up early.

Seungmin didn’t have time to question him though because they only had fifteen minutes before they had to leave for their schedules. It was strange sleeping past his alarm, but what was stranger was perhaps the dream Jeongin had had last night. He still couldn’t remember much about it, just the color orange and that mysterious phrase, but he knew something about it wasn’t quite normal. Something about it felt out-of-the-ordinary, but he could barely remember anything. It must not have been that important, just a vivid dream. He was bound to have those with the stress of promotions. Even so, Jeongin couldn’t help but notice a tingling in his right hand as he struggled to remember the faint scraps of his dream… Strange.

“All done,” the stylist said, and Jeongin made sure to thank her as she left. Soon he was left alone with his eight hyungs, waiting for the five minutes to pass before they had to perform. Since it was their first official promotions, they were all pretty nervous. You could almost feel the tension in the room, it lingered underneath the antics of the Aussie-line and whatever new trick Minho was showing off to Jisung. 

Jeongin watched as Hyunjin attacked the others with cuddles, dreading the moment the cuddler would come after him. The others seemed nervous, but they had no reason to be. All of his hyungs were super talented. If anyone had the right to be nervous, it was Jeongin. Jeongin who took the longest to learn the dances, who made his hyungs stay back and help him perfect the moves even past midnight. He felt guilty for all the extra work and stress he gave them, he knew he wasn’t the best in Stray Kids. Everyone else had so much to do these days that Jeongin hated to ask them for help. 

The last few days before their debut, Jeongin had forced all the members to leave practice early. He had stayed up late alone, practicing until the sun came up so that he could be just as good as his members. Chan and the others had worried about him, but Jeongin had convinced them that he just needed some time to practice on his own. Besides, they were loathe to pass up a few extra hours of sleep. 

“How are you little maknae?” Jeongin heard as Hyunjin wrapped his arms around the youngest. Jeongin let out an exaggerated gasp for air as Hyunin squeezed him to death and rested his chin on Jeongin’s shoulder.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, if you would stop killing me with your love,” Jeongin gasped, making sure to glare at him, “I’m only eleven months younger than you, hyung, it’s not like you’re as old as Channie-hyung.”

“Channie-hyung is a grandpa!” Hyunjin yelled, smirking at Jeongin. Chan looked up from his fight with Felix over… were those cheese sticks? Jeongin wondered how they had managed to sneak those backstage.

“Ya, who called me a grandpa!!” their leader yelled back, looking at all of them fiercely with his ‘kangaroo face.’

Hyunjin giggled and hid behind Jeongin as he answered, “Jeonginnie.”

“Hyung, I’m going to kill you for that, just you wait,” Jeongin muttered as Chan narrowed his eyes at the maknae, “No Channie-hyung, I didn’t say it, I didn’t say it, it was Hyunjinnie-hyung!”

But his pleading had no effect on Chan, the older creeping closer, his hands raised at his chest in a sure sign that Jeongin was about to get attacked by a kangaroo hug. Jeongin silently prayed for the sweet release of death before he was yanked off his chair by Chan’s atta- … ‘hug.’

They went rolling onto the floor, where Chan started tickling the youngest. Jeongin screeched in laughter, rolling side to side to try to make him stop.

“Please… please hyung, st- stop it,” Jeongin wheezed out between his laughs.

“Not until you take it back,” Chan whispered in his face, grinning like the possessed kangaroo-hyung that he is.

“Hyung, hyung! Okay I give up…” Jeongin cried, “Channie-hyung isn’t a grandpa… he looks as young as me!”

Chan grinned in triumph, slowly releasing Jeongin as he sat back in satisfaction. Panting from the exertion of laughing his soul out of his body, Jeongin struggled to get up until Chan helped him out. Jeongin brushed off his outfit and checked the mirror to make sure he hadn’t messed up his makeup. The stylist noonas would have killed him for that, but thankfully it was still intact.

“One minute!” someone yelled into their room, and everyone stopped laughing at Chan and Jeongin to gather near the doorway. Jeongin stood between Hyunjin and Felix, leaning against the Aussie’s shoulder. Felix was checking his pulse again, a sure sign he was nervous. Hyunjin was whispering fiercely, it sounded like last-minute rap practice. Changbin was next to him, assuring the younger that his rapping was perfect. 

Jeongin sighed and shook his hands to dispel the nerves that were running through him. He could feel sweat gathering at nape of his neck, and his body felt flush with heat. Jeongin tilted his head slightly in confusion. Usually when he was stressed only his hands would shake, as they were doing now. His body temperature had never been affected. Jeongin looked down at his hands, they were still shaking badly from the anticipation of the stage. They felt really warm. 

Jeongin squinted, trying to get a better look at his hands in the shadows backstage. For a second he thought he saw the air shimmer with the heat of his palms, but at that moment the staff ushered them onto stage for their performance. Soon Jeongin was squinting under the harsh glare of the stage lights, the heat of his hands long forgotten in favor of the heat of the performance. It was time.

_ …7 hours later _

They were finally back at the dorm after the day’s schedules. Jeongin heard his members let out big sighs of exhaustion as they flung their bags onto the couch. Felix and Jisung were arguing over who got to shower first.

“But yesterday  _ you _ got to shower first and  _ I _ had to wait until everyone else had showered, so today  _ I  _ deserve to go first, or at least before y-”

“Guys,” Woojin called, interrupting their argument, “we’re all exhausted. I’m sure some of us would rather shower and sleep instead of wasting time arguing.” At this, Felix and Jisung looked down in guilt.

“Sorry hyung,” they chorused, and Woojin nodded in approval.

“Now, I’m gonna shower first because  _ I’m _ the oldest. Meanwhile you guys can figure out who’s showering next, I trust you guys can figure that out in seven minutes, yes?”

“Yes Woojin-hyung,” they chorused, watching him disappear into the bathroom.

By the time Jeongin stepped out of the shower, everyone else was already in bed. Jeongin towelled his hair as he dressed in the bathroom, hoping to avoid water trickling down his neck later.

A cloud of steam puffed into the open air when he opened the door and he mentally admonished himself for forgetting to turn the fan on during his shower. Chan was really strict about always using the bathroom fan when the shower was running. Jeongin could practically hear Chan’s voice ranting in his head,  _ Humidity builds up and then mold will grow all over, and I am  _ not _ going to be responsible for cleaning up the mold that your sweaty bodies grew, thank you very much. _

Yeah, Jeongin had heard that speech dozens of times. His hyung hated cleaning up after everyone. It made sense, Chan burned the midnight oil to make tracks for their albums. He didn’t have time to check for mold in the shower and chip bags in the couch.

That was why the members tried their best to clean up their own messes and not get mad when Chan exploded at finding half a granola bar between the cushions. They knew Chan didn’t mean it. It wasn’t the granola bar that was stressing him, it was everything else.

Jeongin made a mental note to use the fan next time. He wondered if he should try to make breakfast for the group tomorrow as a silent apology. He sighed as he carded his fingers through his drying hair. He didn’t really want to wake up early, but he would anyway if that took a little off their leader’s shoulders. He would if it brought a smile to Chan’s face.

The dry air around him chilled his skin, and Jeongin welcomed the cool air as he shuffled towards the kitchen for a glass of water. It was late, his members were asleep in their rooms, so Jeongin made sure to keep quiet. He took out a plastic cup from the cabinet, the glass ones would be too loud on the countertops, and filled it at the sink.

As the cool water slipped down his throat, Jeongin noticed the stark contrast of the cold water and the heat of his body. The shower’s steam never made him this hot, so he wasn’t sure why he was so warm. He gripped the cup tighter in his hand, feeling the way the water within drew out a bit of the heat in his fingers. As he took another long sip, Jeongin turned to face the living room. Suddenly water was spluttering up his throat and out his mouth in a daring attempt to return to the cup that his hand encircled. Jeongin started coughing uncontrollably. The cause of his alarm was seated on the couch, hidden in the shadows.

The figure shifted, and light glinted off of its earring, “you okay?”

The voice of Chan passed quietly through the air, and Jeongin’s shoulders relaxed at the familiarity. He coughed out the last of the water and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Hyung, why are you sitting out here in the dark?” Jeongin asked, confused.

“I was waiting for you,” Chan responded, “didn’t wanna risk a light and wake the others. Felix has been having trouble sleeping lately and I just got him in bed.”

The young leader’s voice grew fond at the mention of his fellow Australian, the edges of sleep curling in and dropping into low husky tones by his last few words. 

“I think we’ve all been having trouble with sleeping lately hyung,” Jeongin said, “with our debut schedules.”

At this Chan nodded slowly, his brain already lost in the mazes of his imagination. Noticing this, Jeongin spoke again to recapture his attention.

“Hyung, you said you were waiting for me?” Jeongin asked.

Chan blinked and snapped back to reality, “ah yes, right. I wanted to ask you again if you’re okay. I know you said earlier that you are, but you’ve really seemed out of it the whole day. Are you sure you’re fine? Do you need anything? Are you homesick? You can tell me anything, you know. I’m here to help.”

“I know, hyung,” Jeongin responded, his voice softened to reassure the elder, “I always say I’ll come to you if something is wrong, right?”

At this the elder nodded, and Jeongin continued.

“Then why would this time be different? But I promise, I  _ am _ okay hyung. I’m just exhausted with our promotions. It’s a rush to be up on the stage, but once we step off, my body remembers how tiring it is. It’s nothing more than that, hyung. You don’t have to worry for me, I’m okay.”

As Jeongin spoke, he set his cup down on the counter and stepped into the living room. He approached Chan and wrapped his arms around the Australian in a hug. Jeongin knew how easily Chan worried for the others. He was a wonderful leader, but one of his few faults was his big heart. Too easily Chan picked up the troubles of others. Too easily Chan would sacrifice himself, his health, his sleep, and his happiness for that of others. Jeongin hugged him now to completely reassure him that he needn’t worry for the maknae. 

It seemed to work as well, for Chan sighed defeatedly and sank into the hug.

“Okay Jeongin-ah, I’m sorry for startling you earlier. Why don’t you head off to bed now? We have another long day ahead of us, you need your rest.” At this, Chan gave Jeongin one last squeeze and released him to get up. Jeongin stood and stretched, rubbing his eyes as sleep crept in. 

He yawned and nodded slowly, “only if you sleep now too, hyung. We can’t have our leader at anything less than his best.” 

His tone was half teasing and half groggy, and Chan chuckled at the sight before him. A sleepy maknae was an adorable one.

Jeongin whispered goodnight to Chan as they separated in the hallway. He opened his door silently, careful to not wake up Hyunjin, Jisung, or Changbin from their much-needed sleep.

Jeongin’s head hit the pillow with a plop, and he fell asleep a few seconds later, his eyes drooping closed in exhaustion. He fell asleep so quickly and deeply that he didn’t notice the fox spirit sitting in the corner of his room, one of its eyes closing for a split second almost as if it was winking, a smirk fixed firmly on its face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vlive shenanigans and an approaching birthday

The rest of promotions passed by in a flash. The days seemed to run together, each music show performance just like the last; a flurry of stress and emotions that built up until the first notes of District 9 released them into the energy of the dance. To be honest even the outfits began to blend together after a couple days, though Jeongin knew and appreciated that the stylists put effort into each one. 

It felt like Jeongin was living the same day over and over: wake up, shove food into his mouth, scramble to find clothes in the messy dorm, wait in the van for the hyungs to finish up, arrive, wait patiently for the noonas to do his hair and makeup, put on whatever they gave him, try not to drown in anxiety before the performance, perform, head backstage and guzzle down water, try to cool down as he waited to hear the end of show announcements, head back to the dorm afterwards.

Sometimes interviews were thrown in as well, and Jeongin had to remember to act like he wasn’t exhausted. They still hadn’t done many interviews, so Jeongin was a bit nervous to speak up during them, but he knew this would fade over time. For now the stress of the interviews blent easily into the flurry of his days. So much happened in each day, but the repetition seemed to draw each day longer until a week had passed without Jeongin realizing.

Every evening, the boys filed into the dorm and found their respective hideouts after fighting for the shower. Jisung, Hyunjin, and Changbin liked to goof around with each other and whoever stumbled past them. They seemed to recharge through laughter. Felix loved to play video games, and sometimes he roped Chan or Jeongin into them as well. Woojin loved listening to music in a quiet corner, while Chan often checked up on their social media or worked on future tracks. Seungmin always had more studying to do for school, and he never failed to remind Jeongin that he had homework to do as well. Minho was a bit of a mystery, he liked to relax behind closed doors. Jeongin figured he was the type to need a bit of alone time after being surrounded by people all day.

Jeongin didn’t really have one specific way to relax. He liked playing games with Felix, but sometimes he wanted to rest in a quiet corner like Minho and Woojin. Sometimes Seungmin guilted him into doing homework and other times Hyunjin, Jisung, and Changbin pulled him into their jokes. Jeongin was a bit of a free-floating entity in the dorm. He went where he was pulled or where he was needed.

Today he had felt like his bed needed him more than Lix-hyung’s pleading eyes. They didn’t have an interview that evening, so Jeongin was lucky to have a few extra hours to rest. Felix had ended up begging Chan to play Fortnite with him, the older’s resolve crumbling after a few seconds of Lix’s notorious pout. Seungmin was studying per usual, but this time he’d pulled Hyunjin in under the guise of practicing English. Changbin and Jisung were having some kind of lyric-writing session crossed with a rap competition. Jeongin wasn’t really sure what they were doing because he was pretty sure lyric-writing didn’t have that much laughter involved and rap was certainly made up of words, not giggles.

Minho was in his room, and Woojin was on the phone with his parents in the living room. With the door cracked, Jeongin could just hear the low murmur of Woojin’s voice. It was lulling him into a sleepy haze, and his mind was already halfway across the bridge to the spinning light of his dreams when a particularly loud laugh from Jisung startled him.

Jeongin’s eyebrows furrowed instinctively in annoyance at the disturbance. At that moment Woojin was reaching the end of his conversation, heading back to his room as he said his goodbyes to his parents.

 _“Bye sweetie, eomma loves you,”_ Woojin’s mother said, her voice crackling in the air.

_“Oh wait, I almost forgot. You should be getting a package soon.”_

“A package?” Woojin questioned, “what for? Did you buy me chicken?”

At this Woojin’s mother laughed, _“no sweetie, it’s for your birthday! Or did you already forget it’s coming up?”_

Jeongin heard Woojin freeze in the hallway, “my birthday? I totally forgot that was so soon!”

 _“Well maybe you won’t forget now that you have the anticipation of a present on its way,”_ Woojin’s mother replied.

“Mhm, I’m so excited, it’ll be the first birthday I celebrate with the members. I just have this feeling it’s gonna be super special this year. Oh and we can have a live and talk with our fans too!” Woojin’s voice grew louder in his excitement, effectively ridding Jeongin of any hope for sleep.

_“Well I’m sure it’ll be wonderful sweetie - Oh that’s your father, he’s calling for me. He probably needs help finding the spices, I just rearranged them last week. Part of my spring cleaning I was telling you about earlier. Anyway, have a good day sweetie, make sure you rest and eat plenty, don’t want you sick on your birthday now do we?”_

“No eomma,” Woojin said, “bye eomma, I’ll make sure to take care of myself.”

 _“Oh and your members too!”_ Woojin’s eomma reminded him.

“And my members too,” Woojin laughed, “now go before we end up talking all day, I’m sure you have plenty to do at home.”

 _“Ah my son knows me too well,”_ Woojin’s mother cooed, _“bye sweetie.”_

Jeongin heard the long beep that signified the end of a call, Woojin’s low chuckling following soon after. As the eldest returned to his room, Jeongin’s mind wandered to the next few days.

Their promotions were almost over, in fact they ended the day before Woojin’s birthday. Woojin’s birthday - Jeongin had managed to forget about that too. He’d totally forgotten to find a present! And on hyung’s first birthday with them too! 

Jeongin would have to find a way to sneak out to buy his present then. He could probably get another member to go with him, there was no way he was the only one to forget a gift. Certainly Jisung must have forgotten with that short attention span of his. Maybe Chan-hyung would have some good ideas, since Jeongin still wasn’t too sure what Woojin-hyung would want other than chicken.

Then again… maybe chicken would be the perfect present for hyung. A coupon for a chicken place, one of the ones they ordered from frequently. Jeongin decided that was a great idea for a present… especially since he had limited present-finding abilities with promotions and so little time left. Hyung would appreciate the thought behind it, Jeongin was sure. The most important thing was making sure to love Woojin-hyung extra special nice on his birthday.

“Alright, can everyone come to the living room please!” Chan called, his voice bringing Jeongin out of his thoughts and back into the present. He wondered what the leader was planning.

Jeongin was, unsurprisingly, the first to creep out of his room and join Chan on the couch. Chan smiled at him in thanks, and they sat together and waited for the rest to get up. Seungmin and Hyunjin emerged with rather disgruntled looks, their slowly blinking eyes proof that they’d spent a long time studying the art of sleep instead of English. Jeongin smirked quietly, his smile only growing under the defensive glare Seungmin shot him.

Felix bounded out of his room next, a few seconds before Changbin and Jisung opened their door as well. Seeing this, the Australian waited for the two rappers, grabbing each by the wrists and almost pulling them all the way to the couch, where he plopped down in front of Jeongin and wrestled the rappers down beside him.

Minho and Woojin came last, headphones still dangling in their hands as they slowly entered the room.

With all of his members in the room, Chan cleared his throat to grab their attention once again. He shoved Seungmin’s thigh lightly, as the younger looked a second away from nodding off again. After he was treated to the winning glare of his lovely dongsaeng, Chan nodded once to himself and began.

“Alright well, promotions are almost over and since we didn’t have an interview today, I trust you all had plenty of time to rest up already.”

Chan ignored Minho’s quiet scoffing in favor of continuing, “So I figured it would be a great idea if we had a little live to say hi to fans. We haven’t had one in a few days, and since it’s still a reasonable time, we won’t be interrupting our fans’ sleep.”

“That sounds like a great idea hyung,” Hyunjin said, his eyes lighting up in excitement, sleep long forgotten. Seungmin still looked worse for wear, but he was slowly waking up to the idea of connecting with their fans.

Woojin and Changbin both looked quietly in favor of the idea, while Felix and Jisung had already started jumping up and down in their spots and chattering happily.

“Hyung, do what do you think they’ll spam this time?”

“Well we won’t really know until we start the live, now will we Felix?”

“Right right, well I for one hope I won’t suffer from Chan-hyungs ‘hugs’ at the end,” Jisung interjected, laughing as Chan scowled and swatted at him in mock anger.

“Hey I’ll have you know there are hundreds who would kill to be hugged by me.”

“Well I’m not one of them,” Seungmin sniffed from beside Chan, “now Jisung, I’ll clean up after you for two days if you trade seats with me.”

“Make it four and it’s a deal,” Jisung shot back, quick to take such a valuable opportunity.

Chan pouted as the two swapped seats, and Jeongin observed Minho smirking from his spot on the ground, which was - strategically - very far from Chan.

“No one loves me here,” Chan sniffed, his voice morphing into his _I-want-attention-even-if-that-means-sacrificing-any-dignity-I-never-had-to-begin-with_ voice. 

“You guys don’t love me, only our fans do,” he sniffed again, and a single laugh escaped Minho.

“Hyung of course we don’t love you when you start acting like this. I bet our fans secretly cringe at home. We all know they just say you’re cute so you won’t cry,” Minho smirked at Chan’s sour face, pleased at the impact of his sarcastic contribution for the night.

“All the more reason for us to get the live started then,” Woojin said, in an attempt to bring the members back onto track.

“Right,” Chan said, pulling his phone out of his back pocket, “we can use my phone since I charged it earlier. Does anyone have their phone so we can read comments?”

“You can use mine hyung,” Jeongin offered, already reaching for the phone he had slipped under his leg earlier.

“Thanks Jeongin.”

  
  


||

||

|| hello!

|| hi!!!

|| oh my gosh I’m not late!!

|| hi <3

|| hey 

|| how are you?

|| Stray Kids!!!!!!!!

|| hello, i’m eating dinner

|| i luv you gyus!! <3 <3 <3

|| aussieeeees

|| say hi to the philippines plsss <3

|| *guys

|| can you play mixtape 1, i love it so much thanks

|| oh my gosh jeongin

|| FELIX!! I LOVE YOU

|| Chan!

|| Hi Woojin

|| oh my god Minho looks ethereal today

|| Seungminnie you look tired,, please sleep well tonight TT

|| hyunjin’s so beautiful TT

|| you can almost see felix’s freckles, im crying

|| chris get your kids in order

|| hellooooo

|| woojin what’s your favorite type of chicken

|| changbin you’re my favorite

|| our little binnie <3

|| say hi to Mexico

|| Italy loves you <3

|| when are we getting a fandom name?

|| someone tell felix to go back to brown, let his hair breATHE

|| seungminnie are you tired?

|| wah you guys killed it today

|| you guys did well today

|| it’s so late here

|| hiii

|| my favorite song is grow up, it’s helped me so much, thank you so much

|| i’ve always wondered if Seungmin could rap, hmm

|| you guys were amazing today

|| Chan looked hot today

|| Jeonginnie, so cute TT

|| hai

|| cuties

|| you guys are adorable

|| chris’s laugh is my favorite thing

|| chan what’s your secret twitter account kkkk

|| woojin’s voice is like an angel’s

|| minho is adorable

|| hello!

|| i’m in school right now

|| I’m studying

|| thank you for having a live, we love you <3

|| oh my gosh babies

|| lixxie <3 <3

|| changlix

|| hyunjin marry me TT

|| saranghaeyo 

|| jisung speak english!

|| did you guys have dinner already?

|| have you eaten?

|| i was just going to bed, i’m so glad i got the notif

|| hope i’m not late!

|| woojin stop looking adorable, my heart can’t handle it

|| it’s the binsual TT

|| what’s your favorite song on the album?

|| i am NOT is such a relatable album TT 

|| 3RACHA

|| your promotions are almost over :(

|| 00 line killed it today

|| how does it feel being the best rappers in JYPE

|| i love you, my babies

|| chan we’ll find you on twitter

|| hyunjin i love you

|| changbin saranghaeyo

|| <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 we love you <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

|| D9 is such a good title track!!!

|| changlix are sitting together, i see what’s going on

|| chris don’t look at my twitter account

|| my mom just walked in kkkkk

|| i’m in school

|| what do you guys think our fandom name will be?

|| when’s the coca cola commercial?

|| who’s the loudest in the dorms

|| chan we’re so proud of you for debuting after 7 years, we’re so glad you found your family

|| i wish i could see you guys TT but i live across the world :(

|| stray kids fighting!

|| Felix your Korean is improving

|| hi i’m a predebut fan!!!

|| jisung you look like a squirrel kkkk

|| chan’s the best leader

|| felix, my bias notice me </3

|| stray kids are the best rookies

|| i went to one of your fansigns!!!

|| i’m buying your album tomorrow, mom’s driving me to town

|| felix tell me how you learned korean it’s so hard TT

|| I’m a new fan!! I don’t know all your names yet but you guys are talented :)

|| nine forever

|| SK we love you <3

|| come on chris, what’s the fandom name we know you know lee know already

|| jeongin i’m older than you kkk

|| I LOVE YOU <3 <3 <3

|| step out! Hi guys~

|| say hi to international fans too TT

|| does anyone else refuse to use their stage names? kkkk it’s just not the same

|| i hate my timezone it’s 3am here :(

|| we almost have 100K hearts! Let’s tap faster!!

|| marry me

|| Seungminnie looks so cute

|| i can’t believe i’m younger than baby changbin

The comments came rolling in faster than half the boys could read. Jeongin struggled to read just the Korean comments, but somehow Chan could keep up with the Korean _and_ English comments. 

“One, two, three!” Chan counted softly under his breath, and the other boys rushed to move their hands in time to complete the introduction.

“STEP OUT! Hello we are Stray Kids!”

“Hi guys! We had some free time so we thought we would have a live to see you! Have you guys missed us?” Chan started, leading the live as he always did, “Oh I see a lot of you guys are saying we did well today, thank you! How about we each say one thing that the person next to us did well today.”

At this Chan gestured for Hyunjin to start as the younger was seated the furthest right in front of the couch. When Hyunjin realized he was starting the compliment chain, he turned to his left to see who he’d have to compliment. Fortunately for him, it was Changbin.

“Ah, our Binnie-hyung does so well every performance, he rapped really well tonight. And he helped me practice backstage, thank you hyung,” Hyunjin said genuinely. Changbin blushed accordingly, not prepared to handle the genuine compliment as well as a whole Hyunjin latched onto his side.

He sunk down a little further under the weight of Hyunjin’s hug and cleared his throat before thanking the younger quietly. 

“I think Lix did really well at dancing today, and his voice-” 

At this the rest of the boys whooped and yelled “Felix’s deep voice, ah our voice reversal charmed Lixxie!” Felix was hiding his head in Changbin’s neck whining ‘hyung,’ and Chan was leading the chaos trying to imitate Felix’s voice in District 9. 

Eventually they quieted down enough for Felix to say, “Seungmin’s voice was really good today. He always has such a stable voice when he dances, I hope I can be that good one day.”

“Thanks Felix-hyung… um Minho-hyung…” Seungmin sat back and exaggerated a thinking face as the mysterious dancer scowled neck to him, “what did Minho-hyung do well today…”

“Yah, brat!” Minho yelled playfully, hitting Seungmin’s arm, “you better say something nice, I know where you sleep at night.”

“Okay hyung,” Seungmin laughed, “I guess your dancing was _alright_ today, but maybe Chan-hyung did better.”

At this Minho turned his glare from Seungmin to their leader, and Chan raised his hands in protest as if to say _hey, I didn’t say anything. Leave me out of this._

“Okay!” Chan called, his voice sounding a bit unsettled as Minho continued to stare him down, “Minho it’s your turn to compliment Woojin-hyung.”

Thankfully Minho’s gaze broke and he turned to the oldest, who was sitting behind him on the couch. 

“Woojin-hyung’s voice was good,” Minho said quickly, and Woojin took the weak compliment for fear of actually provoking the dancer.

“Innie did really well today,” Woojin cooed at the maknae, and Jeongin let out a grunt of disgust as he pushed himself away and into Chan, “he’s improved so much these days.”

Woojin reached out a hand to pinch his cheeks and Jeongin waved his arms in the air to deflect, essentially scooching back into Chan’s lap to avoid his hyung’s love.

“Ew hyung, I don’t want your love,” Jeongin said, scrunching his face up as he spoke. Everyone laughed at Woojin’s fake heartbroken look, Jeongin especially.

In reality Jeongin was just really bad at accepting compliments. It made his stomach flip in a really weird and uncomfortable way, and his blood started pumping like his body was ready to flee. So he always came up with some way to avoid addressing compliments - or affection - from the other members, especially when their affection was multiplied in front of the camera. Tonight Jeongin felt a larger rush than usual at Woojin’s words, even though the compliment was more rushed compared to the ones he’d been given before. His cheeks heated up more than usual and his hands tingled a bit, but he was soon distracted with trying to escape Chan’s grasp after he fell into the latter’s lap.

“There was one thing that Channie-hyung did really well today,” Jeongin said, his eyes gleaming in mischief as he finally broke free.

Chan puffed his chest up in preparation for a compliment as Jeongin continued, “He played video games with Felix.”

“Why’s that such a good thing?” Chan asked, confused.

“Because hyung couldn’t bother me when he was playing video games,” Jeongin said, laughing at his own courage.

Chan snatched Jeongin’s arms and pulled him back into his lap, wrestling with him on the couch and pulling Jeongin into a super tight kangaroo back-hug as they struggled. The rest of the members were in various stages of keeling over in laughter. Felix almost hit his forehead against the floorboards beneath him as he practically _threw_ his body forward as he wheezed. Seungmin and Woojin were slapping their knees, and the rest of 3RACHA and Hyunjin had thrown their heads back laughter. Even Minho had actually chortled out loud for a short while, and Jeongin took a second to appreciate the sound of his laughter. 

Felix’s laughter always came out like a sharp burst at first, loud and high and almost scraped with sandpaper until it descended back into a more normalized pitch and rhythm. Hyunjin _giggled_ , that was that. Seungmin’s laugh seemed to come from the back of his throat, a bit lower down than where his voice usually resided. It came out like a red or an orange, contrasting the usual soothing browns of his voice, and when he he breathed in he made a ‘hyuck’ sound. Woojin’s laughter came out quickly, sometimes missing a beat and hitting air instead of his voice box, and Jisung’s laughter was more breath and silence and squeezed abdominal muscles. Changbin’s laugh was unapologetically loud without raising or lowering pitch from his normal speaking voice, it just _emitted_ itself unapologetically from his throat like a slightly annoying, extremely small bat trying to echo-locate its way to the lung it just lost.

Minho’s laugh was different. Whereas others started with a giggle and devolved into longer and longer spaces between their laughs, Minho did the opposite. His laughs would end with a giggle clearer than Woojin’s voice when he sang high notes. Minho didn’t laugh out loud as much as other members, though. Usually he’d just snort quietly or raise an eyebrow and the ends of his lips in quick amusement. So when he laughed, Jeongin always made sure to appreciate it.

Chan wasn’t laughing though… at least not at first. At first he was growling at Jeongin in jest, but after time his hurt look melted into amusement. His eyes crinkled up as he watched Jeongin laughing unabashedly, and soon the butt of the joke was joining in.

When the live ended, Jeongin was still giggling to himself about the video game joke. Chan had predictably chosen Changbin as his cuddle victim after Jisung, Hyunjin, and Jeongin leaned as far away as they possibly could. Felix was well within Chan’s grasp, but the young Australian visibly enjoyed cuddles with anyone, so the effect wasn’t exactly what their leader was looking for. 

After Changbin escaped, Chan had taken to turning away from the maknae in a pout, crossing his arms and pushing his down as far as they could go, milking the moment to the extreme. Seungmin and Hyunjin left first, presumably to head back to bed.

Felix jumped up and pulled Changbin along with a “hyung, I’ve gotta show you this meme I found earlier!” ignoring the short rapper’s “wait, Lix I can walk myself, thank you.”

Jisung and Jeongin were yawning uncontrollably but trying their best to hide it behind their hands so they could stay up and watch a movie with their hyungs. Woojin wasn’t having it however, and with a few motherly words of concern (and a very scary bear glare) the two yawners were tucked into bed for the night.

As Jeongin turned over beneath his sheets, snaking his arm underneath his pillow to rest his head more comfortably, he heard the pitter-pat of hyungs trying to walk around without waking anyone up. He fell asleep to lights from the movie washing underneath the door and thoughts of Woojin’s birthday circling in his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woojin's birthday

“WAKE UP IT’S WOOJIN’S BIRTHDAY!”

Jeongin shot up from his bed, blinking groggily at Jisung’s form in the doorway. He reached for his phone, squinting at the bright screen to check the time. _7:48 AM._ He groaned.

“Hyung it’s not even eight in the morning, why did you have to wake me up?” Jeongin whined, turning over and stuffing his face into his pillow. He slipped his hands underneath the pillow and scrunched it up around his face, hopelessly wishing for sleep to come back to him.

“Jisung go away, I wanna sleep.”

The grumpy voice came from Changbin’s bed in the corner. One quick raising of the head informed Jeongin that Hyunjin was still sleeping like a rock, the lucky hyung. 

“ _You_ shut up hyung, it’s Woojin’s birthday and we have to make it perfect,” Jisung countered, walking over to shake the older boy’s shoulders.

“A day is perfect when it starts _after_ ten in the morning, thank you and good night,” Changbin grouched, shoving off Jisung’s hands and tucking himself back under his covers. Jeongin groaned in agreement from his own bed, and Jisung sighed in exasperation.

“Come on guys, the sooner we get up the sooner we can get started on the _day._ Plus I kinda wanted to cook something for Woojin, but we all know I can’t cook so I was gonna ask you guys for help,” Jisung pleaded.

Jeongin snorted, “I think you mean leave us there to make all the food _for_ you, hyung.”

“So? We all know if I touch a knife someone will end up armless and besides-”

“Jisung-ah don’t think I didn’t hear you speaking informally about Woojinnie-hyung,” Chan said sternly, cutting Jisung off mid-sentence, “and let them sleep, it’s barely eight. There’s still plenty of time left in the day.”

Jisung shrunk in fear, muttering “I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I just wanted help cooking.”

Chan sighed at Jisung’s pout, his will crumbling silently behind his tired gaze. He gently guided Jisung away from the doorway, telling Jeongin to go back to sleep as he quietly shut the door. 

Jeongin sighed as the light from the hallway was cut out, snuggling into his pillow and the warm spot left from his sleep. As he drifted off again, he could just hear the voices of Chan and Jisung bickering from the hallway.

“Hyung I just wanted to cook-”

“But Jisung you can’t cook-”

“But Woojin-hyung-”

“Jinnie-hyung wouldn’t want to eat poisoned food Jisung. You don’t need to try to do something you can’t do for his birthday.”

“But I just wanted today to be perfect..”

“It _will_ be Sungie, but you can’t force it.”

Jeongin woke up to a blissful warmth bubbling inside of him. He didn’t want to move his limbs because they felt perfect where they were. Even his tongue felt thick with the weight of (finally) a healthy amount of sleep. He rubbed his face against his pillow, letting out a quiet “mmph” of self-indulgent whining. He didn’t want to get up.

“You have to get up.”

Jeongin jerked in surprise at the voice that had just countered his unspoken complaint. He twisted his neck to the right, sliding it slowly across his pillow, trying to soak up the very last of the warmth left from sleep. He relaxed upon seeing the crossed arms of Changbin. So he got a good night’s sleep and he _wasn’t_ hearing imaginary voices. Sounded like the start of a good day to Jeongin.

“We let you sleep in past noon, you gotta get up now Jeongin,” Changbin said.

Past noon… _Past noon?!_ Jeongin shot up from his bed, wiping his eyes and checking his phone. _12:48pm_. His eyes popped open, sleepiness long forgotten in favor of shock at how long he’d slept. Jeongin couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten so many hours of sleep, at least eleven. No wonder he felt so well-rested.

“Thanks hyung,” Jeongin grinned, enjoying the way he stood up without his head pounding and flopping around on his shoulders, and how the light pouring in from the hallway didn’t reduce Jeongin to wincing or squinting.

What a great day today was. And he could wear a hoodie today, no more stiff outfits or makeup now that promotions had ended. What a wonderful day today would be. His good mood followed him into the kitchen, bouncing him up on the balls of his feet, freeing his shoulders, and letting his back spring up with liveliness.

“ _Someone looks sprightly_ ,” Felix commented from his spot squished underneath Hyunjin on the couch.

“Wha’d you say Lixxie-hyung?” Jeongin asked, for the young Australian had spoken in English instead of Korean.

“Just that you look happy,” Felix smiled, “and I’m glad for it. You’re smiling like it’s _your_ birthday not Woojinnie-hyung’s.”

Jeongin’s eyes widened in alarm, he’d forgotten what day it was. Woojin looked up expectantly from his seat at the table, and Jeongin whipped around.

“Happy birthday hyung!” he yelled, a little embarrassed that those weren’t the first words out of his mouth when he entered the room. 

“Thank you Jeongin,” Woojin smiled, smirking a bit at the younger’s flustered state.

From there the day passed comfortably. Most of the boys decided to rope Woojin into a few games in the living room, and eventually even Minho was pulled out of his hideout by an excited Jisung to take part in the festivities. 

They’d played a few rounds of mafia until Changbin threw a fit and declared Minho a “filthy rotten traitor-hyung” for cheating three times in a row. Minho laughed himself into cramps and had to take a bathroom break to recover, while Felix did his best to calm Changbin down by forcibly hugging away his anger.

Jeongin had only seen Minho laugh that hard once before - when Felix almost burned Jeongin’s birthday cake two months ago. Minho had joined them a little later than the rest, and his reserved nature still kept them from crossing the awkward divide at times. Minho really only let himself go when he was causing mischief or laughing at others’ pain. It wasn’t that he was a bad person, he just had his own way of attracting attention and showing affection. Minho had already learned the delicate techniques required to provoke Changbin, and he made sure to employ said techniques daily (to the amusement of the maknaes and the exasperation of Woojin and Chan).

They didn’t do anything particularly special for Woojin’s birthday, but the relaxing aura of the day and the laughter that filled every corner was the perfect gift for all of them. They deserved it after their long promotions, their _first_ promotions. Their little break ended tomorrow, but that knowledge didn’t keep them from enjoying themselves.

They gave Woojin his presents sometime after the mafia games and before Felix roped everyone into playing video games with him. Predictably, Jisung had handed over a hastily wrapped lump first, most likely handing it over first so that Woojin wouldn’t be disappointed by a rushed gift after receiving more thoughtful ones. It turned out to be a pale blue hoodie wrapped in a ball, one Woojin had been eyeing when they passed by a store a few weeks ago. Woojin thanked him for the hoodie as well as the two pieces of toast Jisung had made that morning, miraculously unburned (most likely thanks to Chan’s patience and guidance). 

Minho bought Woojin a pair of Ryan socks, Seungmin and Felix had worked together to neatly wrap a package of Woojin’s favorite sweets, Hyunjin had claimed he couldn’t decide what to get and offered free hugs for a month with blushing cheeks, Changbin bought him some self-care products, and Chan wrote him a letter (“don’t read it in front of everyone! It’s embarrassing!”) and bought him the latest Bruno Mars album.

Jeongin handed Woojin his gift last. Since it was just a gift card, he didn’t feel the need to wrap it, but he felt ashamed now having seen all the other _wrapped_ presents. He grinned sheepishly at Woojin, fiddling with his fingers as the birthday boy grabbed the card in confusion and flipped it over. 

When he read the name of the chicken restaurant on the front of the gift card, his eyes widened in shock.

“Jeongin you got me a gift card to my favorite chicken place?!” Woojin cried, leaping up to wrap Jeongin in a giant hug, “alright Jeongin is my favorite now, his gift is the best.”

Chan scoffed, “but what about _my_ present? I put thought into it, I wrote you a _letter_.”

Woojin eyed the pout gracing the leader’s face and laughed, “don’t worry Channie, I won’t use this just for myself, we can use it when we go for chicken next week.”

With that Chan settled down, a satisfied look on his face, “thanks Jeongin,” he sang.

Soon enough, Minho and Chan had moved to the kitchen to cook dinner and prepare Woojin’s cake. Jeongin could smell the kimchi from where he sat on the couch, and his stomach growled loudly in complaint. Seungmin lifted an eyebrow at him and he blushed.

“I guess maybe I forgot to each lunch because I woke up late,” Jeongin muttered sheepishly.

“Jeongin,” Seungmin said, holding out the last syllable of his name in a universal sign of frustration, “you can’t _not_ eat, you know. You need food to grow big and strong and taller than the rest of us.”

“Ya! He doesn’t need to grow any taller,” Changbin called from the other side of the room, “he’s already taller than half of us!”

“It wasn’t that hard to be taller than you, hyung,” Jeongin said, “don’t blame me for your own faults.” 

“Ya! What is this disrespect!” Changbin yelled, trying to hide his smile behind fake anger as Felix and Hyunjin lost it on top of him, “you’re still younger than me!”

He pushed Felix and Hyunjin off of him and stalked over to Jeongin, holding his fingers out ominously. When he reached Jeongin, he attacked, tickling the younger into peels of laughter and pleads for mercy.

“Dinner!” Chan called, his leader instincts telling him Jeongin needed saving from Changbin’s tickle attack.

After dinner, the boys had to wait for Changbin to finish cleaning up to eat the cake. Minho in particular was having trouble with waiting, not understanding why they couldn’t just eat the cake whenever they wanted. Chan claimed it was a sort of family tradition from his childhood, to wait until the very end to eat the cake, as a way to “keep it specialer than the rest of the food” (“hyung that’s not a word” “hush Seungmin-ah, that’s not the point”). 

Finally Changbin came out carrying the cake, grumbling about his never-ending dish duties. He dropped ten candles onto the table beside the cake, left over from Hyunjin's birthday.

Chan lit the candles because he was the only one other than Woojin who could be trusted with fire. They’d learned that the hard way after Felix had asked to light the candles of Jeongin's birthday cake, almost melting half the icing _and_ burning his fingers. Minho swore he’d never laughed harder on a birthday, but no one else found it very funny, especially Woojin, who had had to comfort Felix’s bruised ego and sore fingers.

“Alright,” Chan declared, finishing off the last candle. He quickly switched off the lighter and bustled over to the kitchen to hide it where the younger boys couldn’t find it.

Upon returning, he led them in a rowdy, chaotic rendition of the birthday song (riddled with many sound effects courtesy of 3RACHA and sung completely in English by Felix just because he could). Woojin visibly cringed the whole way through, and Jeongin quite agreed with him.

No one made any attempt to speed up the song, in fact Jeongin was sure they were singing at half-speed just to annoy the birthday boy. With a minute of suffering ahead of him, Jeongin had the choice of staring at Woojin’s awkwardness or the flames flickering on the candles. Jeongin chose the candles.

There was always something mesmerizing about fire, the way it licked the air calmly but stung his fingers. The way it was never the same from moment to moment. It was the perfect example of change. The orange flames waved in the air, bending away from the breaths of nine boys. As Jeongin watched, the fire seemed to slow, and suddenly he could mark each flame’s change as it came. He felt a strange pulling in his gut as his eyes absorbed the light of the little fires.

The flames leaned towards him, and Jeongin’s fingers twitched. At once, the flames seemed to jump, all ten candles going out and relighting simultaneously. Jeongin cocked his head in confusion, and the flames bent sideways with him. He righted his head and the flames followed. As he breathed out, the candles flickered in unison, returning to their positions like dogs returning from fetching a bone, waiting by their owner’s feet in anticipation. Jeongin shivered. This was certainly new.

By then Woojin was bending down, the boys just finishing the song. Jeongin’s eyes stayed on the candles as Woojin blew them out, or tried to. The flames merely bent under his breath, their yellow-orange light dancing in mischief. The pull in his gut still remained.

Woojin laughed, turning to Chan, “did you find trick candles? I haven’t had those since I was twelve!”

Chan frowned, “no I didn’t think I did.”

At Woojin’s laugh, Jeongin had startled, his focus on the candles breaking. By the time he looked back, the flames had resumed their fast pace, and he felt no pull towards them. With one strong breath, Woojin snuffed out all ten candles easily. Everyone cheered, and Jeongin was left to wonder alone what exactly had just happened.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashy fansign

Although promotions were over, they still had a dozen fansigns left. Jeongin was less nervous for these, since they had gone to some fansigns for their Mixtape album. He remembered having fun after getting over the initial anxieties. He was sure they would still be a little awkward; he and the hyungs still weren’t perfect at filling in awkward silences (Chan-hyung was trying to teach them how to do this outside of dance practices and lessons). Still, Jeongin was excited to meet their fans face-to-face again.

“Everyone ready?” Chan called out, and eight boys huddled around him. They were settled in a small room behind the stage for the fansign. The makeup noonas had just finished with them, and everyone had been lounging on the couches.

“Alright,” Chan started, “let’s remember. Smile at every fan, even if you get bored, they only get to talk with you for a minute or so. It’s a special day for them, and it’s our job to make it as special as possible.”

Chan turned to face the younger members, “Jisung-ah try not to let Minho rile you up too much this time. Last time you guys almost caused a scene; it’s good to have fun but let’s not have too much okay?”

“Felix I know you’re still not confident in your Korean, but I promise you that you speak very well and none of our fans would ever judge you for a few slip ups. There could even be a few fans that speak English, so don’t worry too much alright?”

Chan stopped to wait for Felix to nod before moving on. They knew how little confidence Felix had in Korean, especially after it was criticized in their survival show. Jeongin thought it was a little silly to expect Felix hyung’s Korean skills to improve drastically in such a short period of time, especially when they were also trying to improve their dance, vocal, and rap skills too. If anything, it was impressive the level of fluency Felix had already mastered. Jeongin was a bit ashamed of his limited English skills in turn. 

Jeongin rested a hand on Felix’s shoulder from his place beside him on the couch. A silent reassurance before the whirlwind that the fansign would be. Felix smiled at him gratefully but still swallowed nervously afterward. Jeongin could see the boy’s hand twitching as if he wanted to check his pulse.

“Hyunjin, Jeongin, you guys have done well so far. Just make sure you don’t spend too much time hanging off other members and engage with the fans. And if they ask you to do aegyo, don’t refuse. I know you guys don’t like it, but the fans do, and today is-”

“All about the fans,” the boys chorused, Chan having ingrained this phrase in their heads from his many speeches before events.

Chan chuckled, “Okay, okay, I see you guys have it down already. But really, try to listen to the fans as much as you can. Minho I want you on your best social behavior, try to come out of your shell a bit.”

Chan held up his hand, stopping Minho in his tracks as the latter opened his mouth presumably to voice a complaint, “Before you say anything, yes I know that your teasing is a way to engage with us, but really you know how easily you can get reactions from us. Tease away, but don’t go too far. I don’t want a repeat of the chicken incident, okay?”

Minho shut his mouth and begrudgingly nodded. Jeongin almost laughed from where he sat. They all vividly remembered the day Minho had gone a step too far with his teasing. It had been back when Minho was relatively new to the group, so he didn’t know much about the other boys. If anything, it was just sore luck paired with an innocent attempt to reach out to the boys. Minho hadn’t meant anything by it.

But unfortunately, Kim Woojin is very possessive about his chicken. Truly the stories they share in interviews about Woojin’s love for chicken couldn’t convey how in love he was with the food. Minho had unluckily decided to hide the chicken that Woojin had set aside for himself in the communal refrigerator at the company building. Woojin always brought a snack for himself to enjoy between practice sessions, as a pick-me-up of sorts. Every snack was carefully labelled and packaged in a small clear plastic container. There was no mistaking it for anything else.

Minho’s decision to hide Woojin’s snack resulted in a cancelled vocal session because Woojin yelled his throat hoarse in anger. Needless to say, the older boy had found the joke far from funny, and Minho was left to grovel at the boy’s feet and attempt to avoid the worst of his wrath. The other boys still weren’t sure how Minho had entered a room with a Woojin so frustrated that tears were nearly falling just from his heightened emotions, (Woojin would never stoop so low to cry over missing chicken, at least that’s what he told others. Jeongin was pretty sure he’d seen a few stray tears in his eyes about a month ago on a long night, paired with a few whispered lamentations about chicken and an empty fridge, but he wouldn’t be sharing that information for safety reasons.) and then ended up leaving the room with just a light scolding from the elder. Changbin had speculated that a hefty bargain had taken place, leaving Minho’s wallet sorely empty in favor of filling Woojin’s belly (Jeongin had to agree, it sounded like the most reasonable explanation). 

Returning to the present, Jeongin looked over at Woojin to see the eldest’s brow furrowed as he - presumably - remembered the offending incident. Chan quickly moved on before any old wounds could resurface.

“Okay and Changbin I swear if you tease me today I’m hiding Gyu for the next week, I don’t know _where_ you get off on calling me small when you are _literally shorter than me_.”  
Chan’s voice sounded serious, but his expression gave away his joking manner. He looked more like he was pleading with Changbin instead of reprimanding him. 

“Sure hyung,” Changbin smiled, and the way he turned his head to carefully appear impassive had everyone holding back laughter.

“Yah!” Chan yelled, his eyes wide in indignation, “Where’s the respect!” 

By ‘respect,’ Chan’s voice had already disintegrated from anger to pleading. Chan might be a great leader, but they all knew he was a perfect target for teasing. Honestly how could Changbin pass up that golden opportunity, even Jeongin couldn’t fault him for that.

They all laughed at Chan’s helpless look. The second Chan walked onto stage he wouldn’t be able to do anything to defend himself. Anything truly scary that Chan was capable of wasn’t appropriate to do in front of fans. Basically every time they appeared in front of fans, members had a free pass to bug Chan as much as they wanted. And by the looks of Changbin’s small smirk, he was going to abuse the heck out of that opportunity.

Chan sighed, “whatever. It’s starting in two minutes. Just don’t kill each other.”

“Oppa!” the girl in front of him called. She had already flipped her photobook open to Jeongin’s page, the book tagged with small animal stickers. A red fox winked up at him from the edge of the page, and the girl looked up at him expectantly.

“Ah, someone younger than our little maknae?” Hyunjin cooed from beside Jeongin. Jeongin rolled his eyes, his hyungs were obsessed with reminding him that he was the youngest. They found it hilarious when a fan was younger than him, as if more than just a few months separated him from the 2000-liners.

“Ah shut up hyung, it’s not like I’m the youngest in the world,” Jeongin fired back. He grabbed his marker to sign the girl’s book, muscles immediately scribbling out his signature and adding two little fox ears on top. 

“Nonsense,” came Hyunjin’s voice beside him, as the older focused on winking at the fan in front of him (leaving her quite flustered to his satisfaction), “anyone younger than you doesn’t exist. You will forever be a baby,  _ our _ baby.”

“Your baby you mean,” Jeongin mumbled, and Hyunjin waved a cheery goodbye to his fan as she moved down the line, failing to correct Jeongin’s remark.

Knowing there was only a short time until the girl in front of him had to move on, Jeongin quickly glanced at the sticky note she slid in front of him. The note was meticulously written, and posed a question Jeongin was quite familiar with.

_ If you were the oldest in Stray Kids for a day, what would you do first? _

Jeongin smirked, scratching out a quick ‘ _ make Hyunjin-hyung my servant kkk _ ’ before passing the note back to the girl. She glanced at it and nodded in approval, sticking it into her album and sliding over to stand in front of Hyunjin.

Jeongin waited patiently for the girl to his right to move on from talking with Chan. They were deep into a discussion about the tracks on the album; the girl seemed to have a basic knowledge of music production, and Chan looked pretty excited to talk with her. Jeongin sighed, fiddling with his marker as he looked into the crowd. He could read the signs on the cameras designating which member each fansite was for. 

The camera lenses winked at him happily underneath the lights, and Jeongin made sure to pose whenever he saw his own name. Some fansites he recognized vaguely from past events, but many were new. He wondered if they would be able to remember their fans as they grew more popular in the future. He tried to memorize each face that passed him by, but he was sure he’d forgotten dozens already. Some fans he recognized but remembered nothing about. Others he could remember perfectly, down to the color of the scarf they wore the first time he met them. It was curious the way memory worked, he thought, how sometimes the smallest things stuck in your brain the longest. 

By then, Chan had finished his discussion with their fan, and the girl was flipping through her album to find Jeongin’s page. Jeongin drifted back to attention, spinning the marker in his hand as he smiled at the girl. She looked to be a few years older than him and considerably less shy than some of the fans that he’d talked with that day. 

“How is noona today?” Jeongin asked, taking the album from the girl’s hands to sign it for her. 

She smiled, “I’m well! I hope you’re eating and sleeping enough, make sure your hyungs take care of themselves too.”

“Of course, of course,” Jeongin replied, looking up from the album as he capped the marker, “there’s definitely no concern for eating enough.”

He leaned forward, making as if to whisper a secret in the girl’s ear, “Channie-hyung eats enough for five grown men.”

The girl laughed, and Jeongin found himself smiling easily.

“I saw you were talking with hyung about our album, it sounded like you know some things about music?” Jeongin asked.

The girl’s eyes sparked, “Yeah! I studied a few years of composition before I decided to switch to media and communication. It’s more of a side hobby now, but I really like what you guys are doing with your songs!”

“Which one’s your favorite?” Jeongin questioned, interested to hear what her opinion was since she had more knowledge than most.

“My favorites are Grow Up and 3rd Eye. I really like the message of Grow Up, it’s good to hear such things in life. And 3rd Eye seemed more experimental, I really liked how the song progressed and became more cohesive towards the end but still had little background noises that gave it added colors. They’re both really calming songs, they give a nice contrast to the other tracks on the album.”

The girl gestured excitedly as she talked, and it was easy for Jeongin to see how passionate she was about the topic. It was always great to see their fans so interested in their work. Jeongin wanted to be an idol to help others and give them happiness and comfort. When he saw fans enjoying their music, he knew he was on the right path to doing so.

“I’m happy to hear that,” Jeongin smiled, “I like those songs too!”

Jeongin waved goodbye to the fan as she moved on to Hyunjin, turning to greet the next fan, a girl with short auburn hair. Her cheeks were burned a light pink, visible underneath her light makeup. Her eyes stared pointedly at the table, never straying close to Jeongin’s face. Another shy fan, Jeongin noted.

It was cute that people got so shy just over meeting him. Having lived as himself for seventeen years, Jeongin didn’t really find himself anything to get excited over. It was still strange watching people get so emotional over him. Jeongin was slowly getting used to it though, and his hyungs helped that adjustment by constantly fawning over him. Nevertheless, Jeongin always tried his best to make it a bit more comfortable for more shy fans. 

“Hello!” he said brightly, grabbing a strawberry headband from the pile behind him. He slipped it onto his head, right in front of the fox ears already clipped into his hair. 

“What’s your name?” Jeongin asked the fan.

“S-sooyeon,” the girl stuttered, shakily passing over her album.

Jeongin leaned over to sign it, pushing the strawberry headband up as it tried to slip off his head. 

“Soo… yeon,” Jeongin mumbled as he wrote a short message underneath his signature, “that’s a pretty name!”

“Thank you,” the girl-  _ Sooyeon _ said, smiling quietly. 

“Is this your first time?” Jeongin asked, and nodded when she said yes. It was clear in the hesitance that restrained her words. She was quickly warming up to him though, already raising her eyes to meet his (although her cheeks were still very pink). 

“You’ll come again?” Jeongin prompted.

“If I can,” Sooyeon promised, and Jeongin raised his hand for a pinky promise. Sooyeon blushed harder as they locked pinkies, but her smile was much wider now. Jeongin smiled to himself, he was always happy when he could help relax a fan.

“Did you have any questions for me?” Jeongin asked, noting that Hyunjin was wrapping up his conversation with the last fan.

“Ah…” Sooyeon ducked her head, “I didn’t have a question, but…”

“Yes?” Jeongin prompted, curious to hear what she wanted. 

Sooyeon looked up, her eyes sparkling in a sudden burst of confidence, “Oppa please show some aegyo!”

Jeongin froze. Really he should have seen it coming. Someone was bound to ask him for this eventually. Fans were always gushing over how cute he was, always trying to get him to do aegyo. Sadly for them, Jeongin hated doing aegyo and avoided it like the plague. It was so embarrassing for him, even watching his hyungs act cute so shamelessly… Jeongin shuddered at the memories.

But Jeongin knew it wasn’t a request he could refuse this time. Chan had stressed that before the fansign. To his left, Hyunjin had finished up his conversation and was staring at Jeongin with an expectant grin. He knew how much Jeongin detested aegyo.

Jeongin tried to mask his discomfort with a grin at Sooyeon, who was waiting eagerly in front of him. Internally, Jeongin was already stressing over how stupid he would look. He knew Sooyeon would like whatever he decided to do, but the pressure to come up with a cute gesture and not butcher it was too much for him. 

To his utter horror, Hyunjin picked up the microphone laying between them and lifted it to his mouth. 

“Jeonginnie, are you gonna do aegyo for the fans?” Hyunjin asked, his voice booming from the speakers around the room. Though Hyunjin was smiling happily, Jeongin knew on the inside he was smirking at Jeongin’s silent suffering. Hyunjin hated aegyo just as much as Jeongin, so he was probably celebrating the fact that he didn’t have to participate. 

“Whaat? Our little maknae doing aegyo?” Jisung sang from the other end of the table. Jeongin cursed silently in his head. There was no getting out of it now. Jisung would never let him live this down. 

“Oh, Jeongin let’s see it then,” Woojin called. At this point Jeongin had the attention of just about every person in the room. Felix was still deep in conversation with the girl in front of him, but those were just two people in a room of over a hundred. Fudge.

Jeongin’s stomach churned, and he did his best to look happy. If a slight grimace slipped out, well he couldn’t be blamed. He passed it off as a look of fake exasperation, whining in embarrassment. The fans were laughing and shouting for aegyo, and all his fansites were training their cameras on him. 

Jeongin fiddled with his headband to hide his shaking hands. He could feel his body heating up in embarrassment already, and a strange heat burned in his stomach. Jeongin racked his brain for a cute gesture, eventually settling for shooting a finger heart. It wasn’t the best idea, but it was the best people were gonna get from him. Jeongin couldn’t imagine suffering through anything longer or more embarrassing than that. He could already feel the shame burning in his cheeks.

“C’mon Jeongin,” Chan said from beside him, giving him a quick apologetic look before turning to the fans, “Let’s give him a countdown.”

Chan led the fans in shouting, “one… two… three!”

At ‘one,’ Jeongin felt adrenaline shoot through him. If he could just get it over with, he could make it through. But it was so hard for him to suck it up and do it. At ‘two,’ the heat in his stomach fizzled. At ‘three,’ he readied his hand and attempted steel his nerves.

“Saranghaeyooo,” Jeongin said in a high-pitched voice, shooting a finger heart in the general direction of the fans. He beamed a smile at the fans, except instead of just a dimple appearing, a bright light flashed across the room. People winced at the sudden flare, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. Strangely, the burning in his stomach had seemed to climb up his body and into his head when the light flashed. 

“Was that a camera?”

“What was that?”

“Ah, it was so bright!”

Jeongin could hear the confused whispers from the fans. 

Chan picked his microphone up beside him, and Jeongin glanced down the table at the rest of his hyungs to see if they were just as clueless as him.

“Alright, good job Jeongin,” Chan started, gesturing for the fans to cheer for Jeongin’s aegyo since they had all forgone reacting in favor of speculating about the weird light. 

“Did someone bring an extra bright camera today?” Chan joked, “I didn’t think they sold cameras with flashes that bright.”

The fansites merely shrugged. It didn’t appear that any of them were responsible. 

Chan turned to Jeongin, “maybe someone’s flash reflected off your braces Jeongin-ah?”

The fans laughed, and Jeongin smiled with them. His nerves were slowly calming down since the spotlight had moved from him to the strange incident. Light flashing off his braces so brightly sounded absurd, but really it was the best explanation they had. What else could it have been? Jeongin just wondered how it had never happened before.

“Ah, if my braces are gonna be troublesome like that and try to blind the fans, I’ll have to get them off soon right?” Jeongin asked into the microphone. 

“No!!!” the fans and his hyungs yelled together.

Hyunjin leaned over to pinch his cheeks, “no getting rid of your braces maknae, you’re a baby, you can’t grow up.”

The fans made sounds of agreement and laughed at the way Jeongin brushed Hyunjin’s hand off his face with an exaggerated look of disgust. With that, everyone moved on from the moment. Sooyeon thanked Jeongin, bowed, and moved on to Hyunjin, and soon Jeongin was losing track of how many new fans replaced the empty spot in front of him. 

The light was forgotten, and Jeongin didn’t think of it again that day. When they returned to their dorms, he flopped onto his bed and only got up for dinner and a shower, falling asleep an hour earlier than usual because he was so tired. A heavy exhaustion had set in sometime during the fansign, and Jeongin hadn’t been able to shake it since. He briefly wondered if it was tied to the amount of socializing he’d done or even the stressed energy that built up when he did aegyo, but his mind was far too tired to put much thought into it.

He fell asleep to dreams about a supernova, a yellow light exploding so powerfully it became white, meteors flying from the center, a hand raised over someone’s head to shield their eyes, and a sky so bright it burned their brown hair white. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> showers, pancakes, and ... glowing???

“Jeonginnie, come here,” Woojin’s stern voice floated out from the kitchen, finding its way to Jeongin’s ears where he sat on the couch. Felix and Hyunjin were playing video games beside him, squishing him to the side. 

Jeongin untangled himself from the blanket wrapped around his legs and shoved a pillow into Felix’s lap, ignoring the boy’s complaints as he stumbled into the kitchen. Woojin was standing by the fridge waiting for him, arms crossed and foot tapping formidably.

The second the eldest lay his eyes on Jeongin, he opened the fridge and took out the milk. A glass was already waiting on the counter, where it was quickly filled and pushed into Jeongin’s hands. Jeongin wrapped his hands around the cup instinctively, looking up in confusion.

“Drink,” was all Woojin said. Jeongin still stared at him in confusion, but quickly raised the rim of the glass to his lips when Woojin’s stare turned fiercer. He gulped down half the glass before slowing. The cool milk felt blissful against his burning throat.

“I hope you didn’t think you could hide anything from me,” Woojin chided, “your cheeks have been flushed the whole day and  _ not _ because we’ve been teasing you. And I saw you sweating earlier even though it’s still cold out. And your eyes are glossed over.

You’re sick.”

Jeongin looked down in shame. It was true that he’d felt unnaturally hot all day, but he’d hoped it was just a passing thing. He hadn’t felt hot like this the day before, and his throat wasn’t sore. It was unusual for a fever to sneak up on him like this. But with how good the milk felt against his throat and even the chill glass on his fingers… a fever sounded about right. 

“I’m sorry hyung,” Jeongin apologized, “I really didn’t think it would get so bad.”

Woojin sighed, “that’s what they all say, huh. Well, it’s obvious: you’re sick, and there’s no way I’m letting you out of bed.”

The older boy ushered Jeongin out of the kitchen, setting the now-empty cup on the counter to be cleaned later. 

“Shower first, and then come back to your room,” Woojin ordered, gently pushing Jeongin in the direction of the bathroom in a way that allowed for no complaints.

Jeongin sighed and trudged his way into the bathroom. Normally he’d  _ try _ to resist Woojin’s mothering, but he was exhausted. It had been a long day, even if they’d only attended one fansign. He’d woken up with clumsy, heavy limbs and barely enough energy to fake his way through the fansign. It had only gotten worse afterwards, his skin heating up to feverish conditions until he’d abandoned his suffocating bedsheets in favor of the couch. The leather had felt wonderfully cool against his skin, but soon had turned sticky with sweat. He’d been reduced to uncomfortable and inescapable heat that muddled his brain and forced his lips into a grouchy pout.

Somehow the rest of the afternoon had passed him by, but not without making him suffer each long minute. It felt like the clocks were playing cruel tricks on him, slowly down to a snail’s pace whenever he glanced at them, but then speeding up when he looked away. He’d declined all the members’ invitations to play, exercise, or talk, choosing instead to silently whine his way to an unreachable end to his suffering. He’d never been particularly bothered by the heat, but this time it just felt impossibly uncomfortable, almost to the point of pain.

Jeongin passed his hands through his hair, rinsing shampoo from his locks underneath the steaming water. He’d tried using cold water, but it was so cold it seemed to burn his skin like the opposite of heat. He’d been forced to turn the shower handle further and further to the hot side until the water finally stopped hurting. The hot water was still dreadfully awful, but at least it didn’t feel like it was branding his skin. 

His fingers caught awkwardly in his hair, pulling on it rougher than the hair stylist noonas would approve of. Jeongin figured he could be given a pass just this once because he was way too exhausted to even keep his eyes open longer than a few seconds, let alone lift his arm above his head to properly clean his hair. His eyelids slipped shut again as the last of the suds swirled down the drain, and Jeongin leaned against the wall of the shower to catch his breath.

The rushing of the water grew louder in his ears until it turned to hissing, painting his eyelids red in anger. Confused, Jeongin opened his eyes again, only to find that the shower had filled up with steam, so that it was visibly billowing past the toilet and against the bathroom mirror. 

He looked down to find his skin completely dry, even where the water was still falling on his legs. The hissing continued, and Jeongin watched in amazement as the water droplets on his skin vaporized in front of his very eyes. He passed his hand underneath the water. His skin tingled where water fell and vaporized immediately. He stuck his whole arm underneath and the tingling spread, steam multiplying as it billowed from his body. 

What… the… heck.

Jeongin blinked and rubbed his eyes furiously. He had to be seeing things, he must be seriously sick. The hissing invaded his ears, piercing his skull, and he winced in pain, slamming his hands against his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut as the tingling spread across his whole body, intensifying until he wondered if he was even standing on two solid feet. Was this what fainting felt like?

Eyes still closed, Jeongin reached his right hand out and twisted the shower handle so that the water shut off.  _ Silence. _ Slowly he peeled his eyes open, lowering his arms as he stared at his surroundings warily. Water dripped quietly from the shower’s faucet; he could hear Felix and Hyunjin’s muffled shouts from the living room. The tingling stopped as he stepped out of the shower, not a single water droplet dripping from his body. He was completely dry, only the ends of his hair were damp. Jeongin gazed at the steam-coated mirror in tired confusion. His eyes darted to the towels stacked by the wall, but upon reexamining his body, Jeongin decided he didn’t really need one.

He dressed slow and quiet, still exhausted even after that whole…  _ whatever _ that was. If anything he felt  _ more _ exhausted, and his skin still felt a bit feverish. Hand on the doorknob, Jeongin took one last look at the steaming shower before opening the door and releasing the literal  _ plumes _ of water vapor into the dorm. 

Whatever just happened could wait until tomorrow. His bed was calling him, and so was Woojin, and there was no use ignoring either. His brain was running on fumes, and those fumes were telling him that if nothing died, broke, or disappeared, it could definitely wait until he had twelve solid hours of sleep and a  _ large _ breakfast… and maybe some cuddles…

Yeah. Cuddles first, freaky steam body-tingling phenomena second. It was a good list of priorities. Jeongin nodded to himself as he entered his room, letting Woojin mother him into his bed and tuck him in. His last thought before passing out quite unattractively in his bed was of Chan getting mad at him for steaming up the bathroom. 

  
  


Jeongin woke up to sunshine and a significant lack of body tingles, feverish skin, or freaky steam clouds. All in all, it looked like the start of a  _ much  _ better day, which was exactly why he’d bounded into the kitchen with a big smile, arms latching on to Woojin and squeezing him in a hug.

“Someone’s looking a lot better,” Woojin commented, ruffling the younger boy’s hair.

“Sure am, hyung,” Jeongin grinned, “all thanks to your magical glass of milk.”

Jeongin backed away laughing at Woojin’s offended face, sitting beside Jisung at the table. The young rapper was nodding off over his waffles (hopefully made by Woojin-hyung because Sungie-hyung using the toaster would be a nightmare). His hair threatened to fall into his orange juice. Jeongin laughed at the sight and moved the glass away from the boy, taking a sip of juice and claiming it as his own. Checking to see that Jisung was really unaware of his surroundings, Jeongin snuck a waffle off his plate and started munching on it. 

“Okay!” Changbin yelled cheerfully as he marched into the kitchen, “who’s ready for today!!”

Jeongin and Woojin gave him equally blank looks, and Changbin’s shoulders slumped after a few seconds.

“Yeah okay that was all I had in me,” he groaned, “I want to go back to bed and die. Please resurrect me when we can sleep three days straight.”

Jeongin laughed, “if you died I wouldn’t resurrect you, hyung.”

Changbin glared at him, “yah! I didn’t sign up for disrespectful maknaes, ‘specially before the sun’s up.”

“Changbin the sun’s been up for three hours,” Woojin sighed, exasperated.

Changbin fell into a chair and scoffed, “I’m sorry but as far as I’m aware, there have been no Lix sightings yet this morning.  _ So _ as I was  _ saying _ , the sun.  _ is. not. up.  _ Thank you.”

“Di’ smone say m’name,” a voice slurred from the living room, and Jeongin looked over to find Felix sliding his feet over the hardwood floor, eyes closed. Every few seconds his arms moved in front of him to ward off any unforeseen obstacles, but because he was too tired to properly move, it just looked like they were twitching slowly.

Woojin laughed, “guess the sun’s up, Changbinnie. Jeongin, you have free reign now.”

Jeongin clapped gleefully, “Wonderful, okay Changbin, here’s how it’s gonna go.”

Changbin’s head shot around from where he’d been staring at Felix, “excuse me did I just hear a significant  _ lack of honorifics? _ ”

“Yes,” Jeongin said, and calmly continued, “now, I want breakfast. I’m feeling… umm… pancakes! Yeah, make me pancakes Changbin.”

“Make me pancakes Changbin….” Changbin trailed off, his eyes watching the youngest expectantly.

“Make me pancakes Changbin  _ now _ ,” Jeongin repeated, smiling brightly at his hyung.

Woojin chuckled at Changbin’s outraged look, “well it looks like he managed to wake you up! Good job Jeonginnie, and don’t worry, I can make you pancakes. I was just about to start some for myself anyways.”

“Thanks hyung,” Jeongin chirped, ignoring Changbin’s shouts of “hey why does  _ Woojin _ get a ‘hyung’?!”

“Changbin, manners,” Woojin reprimanded sharply as he grabbed the bag of pancake mix.

“Wha- bu- but Jeongin just! And you were- But I-” Changbin spluttered, “…  _ fine _ . Woojin  _ hyung _ .”

“Thank you Binnie,” Woojin sang.

“‘Yung c’y’ m’me pancakes too,” Felix mumbled as he pulled out the chair next to Jeongin, almost missing the seat as he sat down. He promptly draped half his body over the younger, sighing quietly.

“Pancakes?” Woojin said, repeating the only word he understood from Felix’s mumblings. 

“He wants pancakes too,” Changbin translated, “and make some for me too, hyung.”

“Okay,” Woojin sighed, “I might as well make pancakes for everyone. They’ll want some as soon as they see you guys eating them, and Jeongin already stole Jisung’s waffles.”

Jeongin’s eyes widened in guilt, “you saw that?”

“Yup,” Woojin said, popping the ‘p’ casually, “I told you: nothing gets by me.”

“I’ll remember that,” Jeongin said lowly to himself. He shifted underneath Felix, moving the freckled boy’s arms so that they wrapped around Jeongin more comfortably. The Aussie looked like he had already fallen back asleep, joining Jisung in dreamland. Jisung’s face had long fallen on his plate, his cheek squished against the cold dish. Since Jeongin had taken the last of his waffles, the plate was empty, only crumbs left to stick to the boy’s face.

By the time the first pancakes flopped onto a plate, Seungmin, Minho, and Chan had joined them. They were waiting at the table in varying levels of consciousness, Chan’s head nodding off every few seconds. Minho had given up and laid his head on the table. Only Seungmin was making an effort to stay awake. 

“Pancakes,” Woojin sang, carrying the plate over to the table, “who wants the first?”

“Me!” Jeongin shouted at the same as Changbin, Seungmin groaning an affirmative a few seconds later.

“Innie you stole Jisung’s waffles, so I should get the first pancakes,” Chanbin declared, reaching for the plate. Jeongin frowned but let him have the pancakes. As Changbin stuffed one in his mouth, Seungmin reached over and snatched a second off the plate. Changbin made to complain but wisely kept his mouth shut after seeing Seungmin’s wordless glare. You don’t mess with a hungry Seungmin.

Chan’s head suddenly shot up, and the boy blinked blearily before fixating on the pancake in Changbin’s mouth.

“Food,” Chan whispered, staring with longing at a startled Changbin. He started leaning forward subconsciously, eyes following the movements of Changbin’s jaw as he ate.

Thankfully Woojin set a stack of pancakes in front of Chan before he started drooling, or worse, wrestled the pancake out of Changbin’s mouth. Chan fell upon the pancakes like a vulture, demolishing the stack in a few minutes. The syrup was left forgotten beside his plate. 

A little bit later, Woojin came in carrying four plates of pancakes, setting them in front of Jeongin, Jisung, and Minho, saving the last for himself and Felix. As Jeongin poured syrup over his stack, Woojin shook Jisung and Minho awake. He sent Changbin to wake up Hyunjin, as he was the only person who was not only awake and coherent (and therefore unlikely to fall back asleep upon reaching Hyunjin-hyung’s bed) but had also finished his breakfast (and so had no excuse to refuse hyung’s request).

Changbin’s grumbling could be heard as he made his way to the room he shared with Jeongin and Hyunjin. That grumbling was replaced with sounds of a sleepy Hyunjin and exasperated Changbin, but no one looked up from their breakfast. Waking Hyunjin up - and all pains that came with it - was a normal occurrence by now. Sure enough, Changbin emerged from the living room several minutes later, dragging a half-conscious boy behind him. He marched all the way to the table, dumping Hyunjin into the chair unceremoniously.

“I’m off Hyunjin duty for the next week,” he declared, stealing some food from Jeongin’s plate (and ignoring the glare he received in return). 

“That’s fine, it’s Seungmin’s turn tomorrow,” Hyunjin mumbled. Seungmin’s head shot up in surprise, brow furrowing in annoyance before shoveling more food into his mouth.

“How you manage to keep track of whose turn it is to wake you up but still can’t wake  _ yourself  _ up is both impressive and incredibly annoying,” Minho quipped, wiping the last of the syrup off his face with his hand. He waited a second for a retort that never came. Instead Hyunjin had fallen back asleep, arm stretched across the table.

“Of course,” Minho scoffed. He grabbed his empty plate and stood up, smacking the back of the Hyunjin’s head as he passed by. The boy’s head shot up, taking in his surroundings before he slumped back down again. Across from him, Jeongin popped the last bite of pancake into his mouth, smiling at the sugary sweetness of the syrup. Felix was quietly accepting bites of pancake from Woojin, his eyes still closed and cheek smushed into Jeongin’s neck. Jeongin could feel the older boy’s jaw push against his shoulder as he chewed, but he let him be. He secretly had a soft spot for Felix, especially when he was sleepy (because a sleepy Lix is a soft Lix, and a soft Lix is irresistable, or so the saying goes). 

“I’ll go get Jinnie-hyung’s pancakes,” Jeongin offered, grabbing his own plate to stack in the sink and slipping out of Felix’s hold. Woojin thanked him as he retrieved the last plate of pancakes (purposefully left in the kitchen so that Chan-hyung wouldn’t eat them on sight). The plate clattered as Jeongin dropped it in front of Hyunjin, successfully rousing him from slumber (again). By the time Hyunjin finished off his last sleepy bite, the rest of the boys were ready to leave for the day. They had practice for a few hours and then a small outdoor activity with fans in the afternoon. 

As they stumbled out the door and into the van, Woojin reminded them to bring their jackets. It was supposed to be cold that day, and though Woojin knew no one would listen to his weather reminders, he still reminded them anyways (only to have a reason to get mad at them later when they complain of the cold because they didn’t bring jackets). Jeongin, for one, was not going to be caught at unawares by the weather, especially since he’d been feverish the day before. He figured it was probably a good time to start taking better care of himself, if only so that he wouldn’t get sick so often.

“Since when is it supposed to be freezing in the middle of April?” Hyunjin complained, stuffing his hands into his parka and shivering against the biting wind. All nine of them were standing outside for their activity. 

“I d-d-don’t k-know,” Felix said, teeth chattering as he tucked his hands into his scarf. Beside him Chan was standing calmly in a loose shirt, having given his jacket to a shivering Jisung. Not a single goosebump was visible on his skin, something the other boys couldn’t comprehend. Jeongin frowned in sympathy for the younger Aussie; he was still adjusting to such cold temperatures, not to mention that Aprils in Australia are hot (since fall would just be arriving). Jeongin couldn’t imagine the winter and summer months being switched, having grown up in the Northern Hemisphere his whole life. Just thinking of a sweltering December and a chilly July twisted his mind, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have to physically adjust to that kind of switch. 

Jeongin was pulled from his thoughts by the feeling of a body pressing against his. He turned around to see Felix huddled against him. The boy smiled sheepishly, a shiver visibly wracking his body.

“‘S cold,” Felix whispered, “you’re really w-warm.”

Jeongin shrugged, letting Felix cling onto him. Seeing that he had no complaints, Felix tucked his face into Jeongin’s neck, wrapping his arms around the younger. He slipped his hands into Jeongin’s, and Jeongin almost jumped in shock at how cold they were. They felt like tiny icicles in his palm. He wrapped his hands around Felix’s fingers, trying to warm them up quicker. 

“Thanks Innie,” Felix sighed contentedly. He stayed huddled against Jeongin for the rest of their activity. His hands had warmed up quickly in the heat of Jeongin’s palms, and he became more energized as the rest of his body warmed up. After a while, he loosened his hold on Jeongin, but he still kept close to his body heat. Jeongin was happy to help him stay warm (secretly enjoying the cuddles), but he wondered why Felix had chosen him over Hyunjin, his usual cuddle victim. 

The fans were sad to see the event end, but Jeongin could feel Felix’s eagerness to escape the weather. They said their goodbyes and crowded back into the van. Felix clung to Jeongin throughout the ride, claiming he was still cold. Hyunjin had whined from his spot next to Seungmin, asking Felix why he’d left him all alone. Lix had laughed and claimed it was because “Innie’s way warmer today, like a s’more that just came out of the fire, super hot but also soft.” Several snorts were let loose at the comment, but wisely nothing was said about it. Sometimes they just had to accept Felix’s idiosyncrasies, including his weird metaphors. 

Seungmin had been forced to put up with a clingy Hyunjin for the rest of the ride, something he didn’t seem too pleased about. He was trying to finish up a worksheet for class, but Hyunjin’s limbs kept getting in the way. Seungmin eventually had enough of trying to shove the boy off of him, giving up on productivity. He took out his headphones instead, and Jeongin would bet money that he was playing slow Day6 songs to relax. Jeongin himself settled down with some with some calm music, closing his eyes and thinking about dinner. It wasn’t even three in the afternoon yet, but he was craving bulgogi.

Unfortunately for Jeongin, bulgogi was not on the menu for dinner. Chan had decided he wanted to cook them all dinner. That meant no ordering food, which meant no bulgogi because Chan’s specialty was spaghetti bolognese. It wasn’t that Jeongin didn’t want a home-cooked meal… he just…  _ really wanted bulgogi _ . 

Nevertheless, Jeongin still offered to help Chan make dinner. The older accepted gratefully, declaring that he didn’t need anyone else’s help. He banned everyone from the kitchen until the food was done, mostly for safety reasons. After all, the last time they’d let Minho, Changbin, and Hyunjin cook they’d ended up using dirty dishes and everything tasted like metal. It was  _ not _ an experience they wanted to repeat. Jisung couldn’t be trusted in the kitchen for obvious reasons, Woojin had made breakfast, Felix wanted to study some Korean before he ate, and Seungmin wanted to catch up on his school work. So it was just Chan and Jeongin left to scrape together an edible and nontoxic dinner for nine growing boys. Emphasis on nontoxic.

“Jeongin can you heat up the water for me?” Chan called, head buried in the refrigerator as he looked for the bolognese. 

Jeongin hummed an affirmative as he pulled out a pot from a drawer beneath the counter. He filled it with water from the tap, grunting at the weight as he carried it to the stove. As he turned the dial to light the stove, he got a shiver down his spine. He jumped, fingers leaving the dial as a  _ huge _ orange flame shot up from the stove and engulfed the pot of water. The top of it licked the air at eye level. Jeongin let out a sound of alarm, hand desperately going reaching for the dial to make the fire go away. The second he laid his hand on the dial, the fire receded, turning blue beneath the pot. Jeongin’s brow furrowed in confusion. He bent down to inspect the flames. They were the small flickering blue flames that the stove usually made. They licked the bottom of the pot teasingly, small sparks of orange shooting from their centers. Their heat washed over Jeongin’s face, bathing him in warmth. He blinked and his right hand twitched. The flames jumped in front of him, twice their height, before receding again.

Jeongin backed up warily, but before he could inspect the flames further, Chan interrupted him.

“Oh you got the stove going,” his hyung commented, “can you cut the onions too please? I don’t wanna cry right now.”

“S-sure, hyung,” Jeongin said distractedly, his eyes still on the stove. He backed away slowly, bumping into Chan before turning around to grab the onion and a knife. Chan started on cutting the celery, a package of meat laying beside the cutting board.

After that, Jeongin was too busy wincing in pain as the onion stung his eyes to worry about the stove incident. Soon Chan was dumping the pasta into the pot and setting up a pan to cook the meat. Time flew by after that, and Jeongin was left to cut the carrots as Chan oversaw the stove. They added the vegetables a little bit later, and soon the smell of good food was permeating the kitchen. Hyunjin could be heard whining over the scent and how long it was taking for dinner to be ready. A quiet thump told them that Seungmin had shut him up with a solid thwack to the head (most likely with one of his school textbooks). 

“Jeongin, hand me the sauce,” Chan called as he mixed the pasta, bolognese and vegetables together. Jeongin grabbed the sauce from the pantry, placing it in Chan’s palm. After the sauce was mixed, the food was split between two platters. On one plate, Chan sprinkled cheese on top, and on the other, crushed red pepper.

“Can you grab the chopsticks,” Chan said as he whisked the plates out to the table, “Changbin! Felix! Come grab the dishes for us!”

Everyone gathered at the table around the two big platters of food, making appreciative sounds. 

“Chan, Innie, thanks for making dinner,” Woojin said gratefully. The rest of the boys chorused a ‘thanks’ after him. 

“No problem,” Chan said, brushing off the thanks, “I wanted to anyways. Tomorrow we’re ordering again. Eat well guys.”

“We will,” they chorused, and the room filled with the silence of Stray Kids eating. For nine boys of varying rowdiness, they were surprisingly quiet when they ate. Jeongin figured it was because everyone was too busy shoving their mouths with food and appreciating the taste. Talking was last priority when it came to food.

After they finished dinner, they played rock-paper-scissors to assign clean-up duties. Chan and Jeongin were exempt because they cooked, and eventually Changbin was left alone to clean up their mess. Jeongin felt bad for him, it seemed like clean-up duty always fell to Changbin. He must have terrible luck with rock-paper-scissors.

Jeongin found himself entering the bathroom to the soothing sounds of Changbin complaining about the dishes. It was as he picked up his toothbrush that Jeongin remembered what had happened yesterday in the shower. He eyed the shower as he recalled the strange tingling of his skin. He shoved his toothbrush in his mouth. Did the water really turn to steam on his skin? It seemed like the most… logical explanation of what happened, unless he’d been hallucinating from his fever. He  _ was _ pretty out of it yesterday… but he felt perfectly fine today. Could a fever really come and go so quickly? Especially one that gave him hallucinations? He felt like he should be telling someone about it. Hallucinations didn’t sound like something you just kept to yourself.

He brushed his teeth mindlessly as he pondered. Foam from the toothpaste built up in his mouth, and he realized it was about to get all over his hand. His mind withdrew from his worries as he spit the toothpaste into the sink. He rinsed his mouth and reached for the skinny tree-like brush they’d given him to clean his braces with. He knew that few people properly cared for braces after about a week, but he had it in his mind to stick with it. When he got his braces off, he wanted his teeth to be just as clean as they were before, or even cleaner. It was easy to get cavities with braces, and Jeongin didn’t want to go through that pain while he was an idol. He wanted a smile his fans could be proud of, even if that sounded a little cheesy. It was also a thing of pride, to be able to say he actually did everything his orthodontist advised.

He looked up from his ministrations, putting the small tree-brush thingy (seriously he didn’t even know the actual name for it) back in its place. He smiled at the mirror to check his braces, and as he tilted his head to the side to inspect his back molars, a bright light flashed in the mirror. Jeongin squeezed his eyes shut, instinctively covering them with his hands and leaning away. 

His first thought when he lowered his hands was that someone had taken a picture of him with the flash on, but he was alone. The door squeaked whenever it was opened, so he would’ve heard if someone had come in and left. He could see the little sunspots wiggling in his vision as he squinted at the mirror. As much it would make sense that the light came from a camera, Jeongin knew that wasn’t what he saw. As strange and unexplainable and crazy as it was, it wasn’t a camera (or even the bathroom lights) that caused it. He could remember clearly what happened during the flash, or more like a split second before. Maybe he still hadn’t recovered from the fever because what happened seemed too insane to  _ not _ be a hallucination. But it seemed so clear… 

He left the bathroom quickly, joining Jisung and Seungmin on the couch quietly. He wanted to forget about what happened, pretend that it hadn’t. He spent the rest of the night with the other members, teasing them and telling stories and most importantly: acting like he wasn’t freaking out on the inside. Because what he saw in the bathroom

right before the flash

was his own skin

  
  
  
_ glowing _ .


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grills, Moomin, and further chaos

No matter how hard Jeongin tried to ignore the strange occurrences, they only seemed to become more and more frequent over the next few days. Dance practices had become harder and harder for Jeongin, not because the choreography was more difficult, but because his body became prone to overheating at even the slightest bit of physical exertion. Dozens of times his hyungs had asked him if he was okay or handed him bottles of water, their hands brushing over his feverishly warm skin in concern. Jeongin smiled and assured them he was fine, but each time he became more and more uneasy. His body temperature seemed to have a mind of its own; cold showers and cooling units did nothing to tame it. It wasn’t just slightly warmer than normal either. No, it was almost uncomfortably hot, so that his hyungs were always complaining about his burning skin making them too hot when they wanted to cuddle.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg. Just yesterday morning, Seungmin had taken it upon himself to sneak up on Jeongin and scare him. Jeongin had screamed, and the room was enveloped in a blindingly bright light. Jeongin’s heart had stuttered along with his words at Seungmin’s confused expression. He passed it off as his camera flash, claiming Seungmin startled him so much that his fingers must have shaken and accidentally turned it on and taken a picture, since he’d already had his camera open to take selcas for the fans. Seungmin had taken his word with a frown, and Jeongin was left to calm his trembling hands alone, stubbornly ignoring the wisps of steam floating up from his fingers. 

Washing dishes had taken a turn for the worse the other night, when the water started _boiling_ as it passed over his hands, the sink filling up with bubbling water that sounded like it was laughing at him. Taunting him. _You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into. No idea what’s going on._

Not even vocal practice was safe from _whatever_ was happening to him. As he practiced hitting a note higher than he’d ever reached before under the guidance of his instructor, a quiet _whoof_ had caught his attention. In the corner of the room, a stack of song sheets had _caught fire spontaneously_ in time with his cracking voice. He had choked up in fear after that, terrified his instructor would turn around and freak out. 

“I-I, I don’t think I’ll get it today seonsaengnim,” he’d stuttered quickly, “but I’ll practice myself until our next session.”

He’d gotten away with the flimsy excuse of extra dance practices to ‘catch up’ to the rest of the members. As he rushed out of the room, he dropped his water bottle so that it rolled towards the song sheets that had become charred in the mini fire. He stamped down the dying fire and snatched the crumbling papers along with his water bottle, shouting apologies as he practically _ran_ from the room. His next vocal practice was tomorrow, and needless to say he was dreading what new terror would await him.

He’d taken to staying in his room whenever they didn’t have schedules, using every excuse known to man to stay in isolation. He knew his hyungs were becoming worried and suspicious of his actions, but the growing paranoia in his gut didn’t care. Under the safety of his covers, his mind raced, trying to figure out what in the _heck_ was happening to himself. The more he thought, the quicker his blood pounded through his body, worry creeping into his periphery until he had tunnel visioned himself straight into the maws of anxiety and paranoia. 

Why was he suddenly connected to all these strange events? Burning song sheets? Boiling water? Feverish skin? Flashing lights? What on earth was happening to him? 

The questions never ended, and the answers never came. He only grew more and more anxious as the days passed. Each new incident sparked _something_ deep inside; it felt like it was stirring from a great sleep. Suddenly he was frantically trying to find a solution, how to stop something he didn’t even understand. How did he stop something when he didn’t even know what was causing it? He was half convinced he’d fallen into the most realistic nightmare of his short life because of comeback stress. He’d taken to pinching himself in his worst moments, wishing, hoping, _praying_ to wake up. 

_What is happening to me?_

The fears, the worry, the questions plagued his mind every waking hour, turning his deepest sleep into restless dozing until he was somewhere between sleep and wake, dead to the world. He was drifting through his days, biting his nails anxiously and only responding when provoked. 

It all came to a height on what Jeongin would dub the worst day of his life. It topped all those times PDnim made him doubt himself, the days he thought they’d debut as seven or maybe not even at all. It topped the nausea of their first performance and all the negative comments they’d ever received, in person or online. And it had started off misleadingly calm.

* * *

_“Innie,” Changbin called, bringing Jeongin’s attention back to the present. He’d woken up from a suspiciously deep sleep, better than he’d had in days. Instead of waking up to anxiety twisting in his stomach, something fell into place within his mind. New words had been introduced overnight, lit in a cozy orange light._

it is happening as it should be

_Where the words had come from, he had little clue. But he didn’t have time to ponder before he was rushed out of bed and into the kitchen, food shoved into his hands and clothes onto his back until he was crowded into the back of a van with four other boys on the way to an early fansign. Now they were backstage, Chan having just finished his routine motivational speech._

_“Yes hyung?” Jeongin asked, folding his hands between his legs to smooth over his wandering thoughts._

_“You okay?” Changbin questioned simply, his brow folded in concern from where he was sitting across the room._

_“You seem…” the elder boy gestured vaguely, “off today.”_

_“I’m fine, hyung,” the words slipped off Jeongin’s tongue with little thought. He shoved the left corner of his mouth upwards in reassurance, eyes clouding over as he retreated to his mind once again. Was it enough for his hyung? Changbin had watched him for a few seconds more, Jeongin fidgeting nervously under his gaze, until he’d turned away to bug Felix. Jeongin’s shoulders slumped in relief._

_Questions, he was coming to find, were his worst enemy. Questions from himself only made him more anxious, questions from others only made him more frantic, cautious. He could close himself off from his hyungs, tell them everything was fine. But he never had managed to close himself off from…_ himself _. It was much harder to avoid the questioning when it came from inside his own head. He couldn’t just step outside of his body for a little while to escape, he was forced to endure the incessant_ worry _that plagued him these days. He wished he could turn off his thoughts. Knowing nothing was possibly the worst feeling, especially when it was related to himself. Himself, himself, himself._

_These days he felt like an island, one that had pushed itself off from the coast of a nice, caring country to float alone in the frenzied waters of his mind. The sharks were circling, it was only a matter of time until-_

_Jeongin shook his head. He didn’t want to think about this. Didn’t want to think about the way his hands had been glowing faintly as he fell asleep last night. Didn’t want to think about the stirring in his gut or the pounding of his heart. He wanted to forget himself. So he did the next best thing. He pushed past the curtains and walked to his seat, the screams of their fans just loud enough to block out the roaring of his mind. For now._

_Despite his paranoia, the fansign had gone well. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, unless he counted the way Jisung and Hyunjin hyungs had been acting overly friendly the entire time. He figured management had told them to get their act together. The two were known for never getting along during trainee days, always fighting and exchanging petty words. With debut they’d learned to hide their chaotic relationship behind smiles and skinship, and slowly they’d been growing closer (or_ less petty _at least). Still there were days they struck a nerve in each other, and the past week had seen Jisung and Hyunjin reverting to their petty fights. Both the rest of the group and management had grown tired of hearing the same argument over and over again; Jeongin would be unsurprised if someone had stepped in again. He hoped someone had anyway, he was almost as sick of their fights as of the worry plaguing his mind._

_With evening came their recording for the second season of_ The 9th _. Management had come up with the idea at the New Year after hearing everyone’s wishes to visit places together. They’d gone to Namsan and an amusement park, and in the last episode Chan hyung had written everyone letters about what they mean to him. Their adventures had been really fun, and Jeongin still kept Chan’s letter in the bottom drawer of his bedside table. It had been so cheesy and Jeongin had screamed through the cringe, but Chan hyung’s stupid letter was actually perfect and Jeongin had read it every night for a month after that night. Some of the hyungs had shared what Chan hyung had written for them, but Changbin hyung still refused to breathe a word about his letter. The rest of them were burning with curiosity because Changbin didn’t easily cry, especially on camera, but they respected his boundaries (or maybe Chan hyung had walked in on them pestering Binnie hyung and given them all a stern talking to and threatened to steal all their socks if they kept bothering Changbin)._

_Since they would leave for KCON Japan in a couple days (Jeongin still refused to think about it because his ‘incidents’ had been causing him enough anxiety), management had decided they’d film season 2 of_ The 9th _in Japan. But first, they’d decided the boys would film a dinner together at the dorms. They’d said something about “tying the previous season into the first” and “continuing the family theme” but honestly Jeongin had tuned out once Jisung hyung had starting exaggeratedly miming along with them behind their backs. So he didn’t really know what they were doing for this episode because he only remembered trying to hold in the laughter so Jisung hyung wouldn’t get caught._

_The camera crew had arrived at five p.m. along with heaps of food and two grills. Evidently two unlucky souls would be trying their best to not disintegrate the meat on camera. The boys had all walked out to the living room as Chan hyung let the staff in. The second their eyes fell on the grills, they all whipped towards each other yelling for a round of rock, paper, scissors._ No one _wanted to be the one to man the grill. Jeongin had luckily beaten out Felix hyung and Seungmin hyung immediately, retreating to the couch in victory. Minho hyung soon joined him, squishing his cheek onto Jeongin’s stomach and all but claiming Jeongin as his pillow. Jeongin had wriggled fiercely under his hyung’s head, complaining loudly to no avail. He resigned himself to Minho-pillow-duty until the camera crew assigned them a task._

_Meanwhile, cries of victory were bouncing off the walls as Felix and Changbin hyungs were left standing, everyone else having safely rock-paper-scissor-ed themselves out of grilling duty. Felix hyung was looking around desperately at everyone, as if someone would have pity on him and volunteer for him. Changbin hyung was standing there in grim acceptance; really he managed to lose rock-paper-scissors every time they played._

_Chan hyung returned with the staff to find the two standing solo in the middle of the room, and having quickly picked up on what he’d missed, patted Felix’s back in sympathy._

_“I’m taking one of the grills tonight, so I only need one other person.”_

_With those words, Felix hyung’s eyes alit with newfound hope, and he turned back to Changbin hyung. They played like their life depended on it (Jeongin could imagine Felix hyung fumbling while manning the grill and burning himself accidentally, so really lives could be at stake), Felix’s hand forming scissors while Changbin’s formed paper. For a split second they stood frozen, processing what had just happened. With a loud “YEET!” Felix hyung sprung away and did a victory lap around the living room, finishing with a Fortnite dance in front of the couch. Changbin hyung was left dejected, Channie hyung pulling him along to where they were setting up the grills._

_With Chan and Changbin at the grills, the rest of the members were left to prepare the rest of the food and set the table. Being the most volatile members in presence of the five basic elements of fire, water, food, kitchen knives, and cabinets (don’t ask), Jisung and Felix were quickly sent to set the table, the others deeming this the most Sunglix-safe duty. Jeongin hovered awkwardly behind Woojin for a bit as he heated up the water, Minho, Hyunjin, and Seungmin bustling about the kitchen acting like they knew what they were doing (for the sake of the cameras of course). Eventually Woojin (gently) shoved him over to Felix and Jisung with the directions to “make sure they don’t look_ too _stupid in front of the cameras.”_

_Jeongin dutifully moved to the table to oversee the chaos twins’ shenanigans as they set out the chopsticks. Jisung was trying to toss them across the table to Felix, the freckled Aussie laughing hysterically as he barely caught each one. Jeongin quickly intervened, aware of the cameras that were rolling behind them. Maybe tossing chopsticks wasn’t the_ best _idea, especially when it would be shown to the public. After Jeongin rained on their parade, the birthday twins worked much faster than before and the table was prepped in no time. With nothing to do (read: nothing to distract them), Jisung and Felix migrated to the kitchen to bother the hyungs. Jeongin walked towards the grills to avoid getting caught up in their shenanigans._

_The crackling of the fire greeted Jeongin warmly as he approached Chan hyung. The young leader was calmly flipping meat, a stark contrast to Changbin hyung’s flustered actions across from him. Jeongin snickered at his hyung’s struggle, ducking behind Channie hyung’s shoulder to avoid a smack on his head._

_“Do you need any help Channie hyung?” Jeongin asked. He figured he may as well try to be useful, since he had nothing else to do. He tucked his chin over Chan’s shoulder, subtly acting cute for the cameras. Chan laughed, ruffling the maknae’s hair fondly._

_“I think I’m fine Innie, maybe Changbinnie over there needs some help though,” the leader replied._

_“Hey!” Changbin grouched, indignant, “I’m doing perfectly fine! Nothing’s burned!”_

_“..._ Yet _,” Jeongin giggled, leaning back to avoid Changbin’s hand again, “hey don’t hit me, I’m the maknae!”_

_Changbin pouted, “you’re an_ evil _maknae is what you are.”_

_Jeongin shrugged, his lips curving in a small smile, “_ mayyybe _.”_

_“See?!” Changbin shouted, turning to the cameras imploringly, “he admitted it! This is what I have to live with daily!”_

_Jeongin smirked at the cameras before turning back to Changbin, “hyung, I’m just looking out for you. You’re always looking so sleepy! I can’t let you fall asleep while you’re grilling the meat! So of course I have to sacrifice my innocent personality and do whatever it takes to keep you alert.”_

_Chan threw his head back in laughter behind them, stepping away from the grill to bend over, hands on his knees as Changbin spluttered indignantly._

_“I am_ not _sleepy,” Changbin declared, “I am_ never _sleepy, you just want an excuse to bother me.”_

_“Keep telling yourself that, hyung,” Jeongin chirped, “maybe one day you’ll finally catch up on sleep and join the rest of us in the land of the conscious.”_

_“You_ brat _,” Changbin yelled, playing up his anger for the cameras, and abandoning his grill to chase Jeongin down._

_“Come here maknae!” he called after Jeongin, the younger laughing as he darted behind Chan’s back for protection._

_“Channie hyung, protect me!” Jeongin begged, clutching at the leader’s arm in fake desperation._

_Chan smiled in amusement, shrugging off Jeongin’s hands, “nah… I think Binnie deserves a win at least once today.”_

_Jeongin gaped in betrayal as Changbin cried victoriously, arms wrapping around Jeongin’s waist and picking him up and spinning him in circles._

_“Our little maknae needs to be taught a lesson,” Changbin cooed, settling the youngest down only to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair and shower him with affection._

_“Hyung,_ hyung _,” Jeongin wriggled furiously, giggles punctuating his effort to escape Changbin’s clutches, “stop, stop, I don’t want your love.”_

_Changbin’s arms slackened, a heartbroken wail escaping his mouth. Jeongin took the chance to break free, smoothing his hair down and rubbing his sleeves as if to wipe off his hyung’s love._

_“Nobody loves me in this family,” Changbin sniffed, wiping imaginary tears from his face, “maknae-ah, you broke this hyung’s heart.”_

_“Good,” Jeongin said firmly, a smile of pride slipping onto his face from the sound of Chan’s laughter._

_Changbin went back to the grill, pouting up a storm as he flipped the meat._

_“You just want me for my meat-cooking skills,” he grumbled._

_“What skills?” Chan questioned, and Changbin shot him a glare._

_“Not you too, hyung!” he griped, and Chan apologized weakly through his laughter._

_“I think that’s enough teasing Binnie for tonight,” Chan conceded, to the relief of the short rapper._

_Jeongin huffed in disappointment, “then how are we supposed to pass the time until the meat’s ready, hyung?”_

_Chan looked up from the meat he was tending to on the grill, a sparkle in his eyes and a teasing smile on his lips._

_“I seem to remember an interesting story Seungmin told me just yesterday,” he began._

_“What was it hyung?” Changbin questioned, partially from curiosity and partially to ensure they moved on from him being the butt of the joke._

_“Well yesterday, Seungmin was trying to scare our maknae,” Chan said to set the scene for the cameras._

_Jeongin’s gut twisted. He remembered what Chan was talking about. Seungmin had scared Jeongin, and Jeongin had done that weird flash-of-light thing. He had passed it off as a camera flash, but he had no clue if Seungmin bought it and no clue what Seungmin told Chan about it._

_The unease spread as Chan continued the story; there was little Jeongin could do to stop him now without bringing more suspicion. Changbin was already grinning at the direction of the story (after all, anytime Seungmin was pestering someone other than Changbin was a win for him), and it was all Jeongin could do to plaster a shaky smile on his face for the cameras. Immersed in the picture he was painting with his words, Chan didn’t notice Jeongin’s discomfort._

_“Well, Seungmin snuck up on him alright, and_ right _when Jeongin screamed like a dolphin…_ bam! _A_ huge _flash of light covers the room!” Chan narrates in a loud whisper, as if he were telling a ghost story. He whisked the tongs in the air with a large flourish as he said ‘bam.’_

_At this point, Jeongin’s nerves were fluttering up from his stomach and into his throat. Laughter bubbled out of him, a weak attempt to release the tension swirling inside him._

_“And then?” Changbin asked._

_“_ And then _,” Chan repeats, pausing for effect, “and then nothing. But don’t you think it’s odd? Seungmin said it was way brighter than a camera flash, said it reminded him of that flash at the fansign last week.”_

_Changbin raised an eyebrow in intrigue, “oh?”_

_“Yeah,” Chan continued casually, as if Jeongin wasn’t about to have a nervous breakdown a foot away, “it was almost like… it was caused by something. Like Innie did it.”_

_Jeongin froze. His blood stopped pumping for two excruciating seconds of silence before it was shocked back into movement by the sound of laughter. Chan and Changbin were bent over giggling._

_“How crazy would that be, Innie?” Chan asked through laughter._

_Jeongin’s eyes darted side to side nervously, as if he were an animal backed into a corner by a predator. He knew his hyungs thought it was a joke, but it hit too close to the truth._

_His emotions were wound tighter than a bowstring and his mouth gaped wordlessly. It was as if his mind was stuck in a time loop and couldn’t push past to the present. Words, excuses, even a tension-breaking laugh were all out of reach as he spiralled into anxious thoughts._

_He couldn’t say anything, couldn’t defend himself. Sure they thought it was a joke right now, but the longer he stayed silent, the more suspicious it got. Soon enough they’d realize they were right all along. Soon enough they’d realize Jeongin wasn’t the same, that he wasn’t normal. No, no, no. It can’t happen, they can’t find out. They can’t_ know _._

_In the space of a few seconds, everything that was swirling in a tight ball of fear and anxiety built up and released. The sound that was trapped in his throat, the anxiety buried in his gut like an ember, it rose up like a flame, roaring past his mouth and reverberating through his mind. For the scariest moment of his life, all he saw was white. His brain felt like a thousand centipedes were rushing over it._

_Jeongin shivered. Something snapped in his chest. His vision cleared to reveal two towering flames_ skyrocketing _into the night air. They roared above the two grills that Chan and Changbin had been standing beside…_ Chan. Changbin. _Ever the quick thinker, he was already reaching for the fire extinguisher placed behind the cameras. They always had one on hand when working the grills, but Jeongin never thought they’d need it. Chan’s careful nature came in handy once again._

_The staff behind the cameras were staring open mouthed, some covering their mouth with a hand, all frozen in some kind of limbo. The spraying sound of the fire extinguisher brought them all back to the present, as Chan tried to calm down the flames that still rose high above the grills. Jeongin came back to his senses in that moment, as the last of the flames were put out and the grills absolutely_ covered _in the white chemicals from the extinguisher._

_Chan looked up from the extinguisher, wiping his brow. They all collectively shared a moment of relief that the fire was gone._

_“Is everyone alright?” Chan asked, looking around at everyone._

_The staff nodded quietly, still in shock from the situation. When Jeongin felt eyes land on him, he nodded instinctually. His mind was slowly processing the event, a niggling in the back of his head becoming louder and louder at the possibility that it was_ him _who caused it in the first place. Horror was slowly setting in. But at least no one was hurt, Jeongin assured himself._

_“Uhhh, about that-” came Changbin’s voice from a few feet away. Everyone turned to look at him as he lifted up his right hand for all to see. It was burned badly, all down the right side and into the middle of his palm and the back of his hand._

_“Changbin” Chan gasped, hurrying over to check his wound. The staff were whispering in horror, but Jeongin couldn’t hear them over the rising horror in his mind. He did this. He hurt Changbin. It’s_ Jeongin’s fault _._

“Ow _hyung,” Changbin winced as Chan inspected his hand. The leader dropped his hand quickly, apologizing as he stepped back._

_“We should take you to the hospital Binnie, I don’t know how to treat burns,” Chan said gravely._

_“Oh god,” Jeongin muttered in distress, still drowning in disgust and dread that he had_ hurt someone _, and his hyung at that. At this everyone turned to face him again._

_“Jeongin-ah,” Chan whispered gently, coming closer and resting a hand on his shoulder, “are you okay?”_

_Jeongin looked up in confusion. Is_ he _okay?_

_“I’m fine, hyung,” he brushed off the question, shooting it right back at Chan “are_ you _okay?”_

_The leader paused. He sighed, raising his hand._

_“I just have a small burn on my pinky finger, it’s nothing serious. I’m alright Innie, I’m just worried about you.”_

_Jeongin grabbed Chan’s hand in dread, pulling it closer to him. Just as Chan said, there was a small burn on his pinky about an inch long and barely wider than a small twig._

_“But Channie hyung, you’re_ hurt _,” Jeongin breathed, pain building up behind his eyes. His fault, his fault, his fault. Jeongin did this._

_Chan let out a small sound, somewhere in between a laugh and a sigh. He pulled his hand from Jeongin’s grasp gently, reaching it up to ruffle the younger boy’s hair fondly._

_“Innie I’m_ fine _,” Chan insisted, “it’s just a tiny burn, I can put a bandaid over it.”_

_Changbin coughed from behind them, “uh_ hello? _Crippled rapper over here?”_

_“Oh please, Binnie, you’re hardly crippled,” Chan rolled his eyes, a smile twitching at his lips as he moved to face Changbin._

_“It’s my right hand!” Changbin cried, “how can I use the music equipment now?! I’m crippled, hyung._ Crippled! _”_

_“_ Crippled?!” _came another concerned voice, “what’s happened? Is everyone okay? Changbin hyung?”_

_Jeongin looked up to see a worried Seungmin approaching from the kitchen. Of course, the other members would have seen the whole thing. Two giant flames aren’t exactly common_ or _covert._

_Behind Seungmin came everyone else, expressions a spectrum of fear and concern. Felix looked particularly frightened, huddled into Woojin’s embrace as they came closer. Woojin handed the frightened Aussie off to Chan and headed straight for Changbin, flooding him with question after question about his hand._

_“Hyung,_ hyung _,” Changbin complained, flapping his uninjured hand around, “I’m_ fine _hyung, stop_ mothering _me.”_

_“_ Mothering you _?” Woojin repeated, incredulous, “did you_ see _what just happened? You just got_ burned _! I am allowed to be concerned, you’re my friend you dummy. Now give me your hand, let’s see if you need to go to the hospital.”_

_Changbin grudgingly let Woojin attend to his hand, turning his attention away from the oldest to watch everyone else. Chan was whispering quietly to Felix in English, trying to calm the boy down. Felix’s hands and legs were shaking terribly. Beside them were Hyunjin and Jisung, hovering awkwardly as they tried to process what just happened. Hyunjin’s eyes were bugged out, still frozen in that initial state of shock._

_Minho had beelined straight for Jeongin, surprising the youngest. Jeongin had figured the dancer would’ve held back, watching everyone quietly from the sidelines as he usually did. Instead, he already had his hands searching all over Jeongin for signs of injury._

_“Aigoo, Innie are you okay?” he asked quietly, his eyes piercing Jeongin’s._

_“I-I’m fine hyung,” Jeongin breathed, freezing for a second under the dancer’s gaze. For a second Minho’s hands stilled, cradling Jeongin’s cheeks softly. This close, Jeongin could make out each individual eyelash framing Minho’s eyes._

_Minho moved his hands, ruffling Jeongin’s hair and moving back down to shake his shoulders lightly. His eyes seemed to melt instantaneously from concern to aloof mischief._

_“Don’t worry us like that, stupid” the dancer whispered, turning around to announce “our desert fox is fine!”_

_“Well that’s good,” Seungmin replied without looking up from where he was inspecting the grills, “something must have happened with the grills, but I can’t see anything that would’ve caused it.”_

_“Yah I’m injured and you’re over there like nothing happened?” Changbin whined, yanking his hand out of Woojin’s grasp just to cross his arms petulantly._

_“You didn’t even stop to see if Jeongin or Channie-hyung were fine, you just went straight to the grills! Yah, Kim Seungmin! Do you even care about us? Where’s my concern?” Changbin complained, pouting._

_“Are we sure Innie was the one born in 2001?” Seungmin asked, still peering under the grills, “I think someone messed up the years because it sounds more like Binnie’s the maknae than Jeongin.”_

_“Hey, treat me with respect Kim Seungmin!” Changbin cried, “you’re always calling me without respect. I am your hyung, and you are my dongsaeng!”_

_Suddenly Changbin winced, sucking in his breath. He cradled his hand against his chest._

_“Yah Seungminnie,” he pouted, “you made me forget I was injured, now it hurts all over again.”_

_Seungmin scoffed, looking up briefly to level Changbin with an amused stare, “hyung one day you’ll trip over a cliff and blame it on me as you fall to your death.”_

_“Well if you were the one who distracted me-” Changbin started, only to be interrupted by Woojin._

_“It looks like Binnie won’t need to go to the hospital,” Woojin announced, “we’ll just have to buy some aloe at the convenience store. My hyung burned himself once like this when we were younger, and it took a couple weeks to heal. Binnie will be fine. After all, it only took a couple words from Seungmin to make him forget he was hurt at all.”_

_Woojin stood up from where he had been crouched next to Changbin, patting the rapper on the head._

_“Channie,” Woojin started, moving on to his next victim, “give me your hand too.”_

_Chan sighed, “I just have a small burn Woojin, I don’t need to be checked out. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”_

_“Ah but if it doesn’t hurt anymore that means it hurt to begin with,” Woojin contested, already grabbing Chan’s hand to inspect it, “and as we all know in this household, if someone gets a boo-boo they have to pass my inspection.”_

_Minho snickered over Jeongin’s head, and Chan shot him a glare. Minho stuck his tongue out, and the young leader huffed and turned his head away childishly._

_“Woojinnie I’m fiiiiine,” he whined, “I don’t have a boo-boo; I don’t even need a band-aid!”_

_“That is for me to decide and you to accept,” Woojin shushed him, finally letting go of his pinky with a “aloe and a band-aid for you.”_

_“I don’t need a band-aidddd,” Chan pouted._

_Woojin gave him a stern stare. Chan withered._

_“Okay fine,” he mumbled._

_“What was that?” Woojin asked._

_“_ Okay _,” Chan said louder, still sulking._

_“What was that Channie?” Minho questioned, eyes blinking expectantly._

_“Yah Minho!” Chan yelled, but the effect was lost in the laughter that fell from his mouth seconds later._

_“If no one is hurt badly,” a staff-member interjected, stepping forward from behind the cameras, “I think we’ll pack up for tonight. We’ve discussed with the director, and we think it would be best if we let you all rest and recover for now. We can restart filming once you leave for Japan. Thank you for your hard work today.”_

_“Thank you for your effort,” the boys chorused, bowing as the staff packed up._

_Once the staff were gone, an awkward silence settled upon them, only broken by a loud clap from Chan. Felix and Jeongin startled at the loud noise._

_“Okay since everyone’s still shaken up, and Changbin needs to rest, I say we all watch a movie and call it a night,” Chan announced, already guiding Felix indoors. Woojin immediately followed suit, rounding up Changbin, Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Jisung while Minho carefully wrapped an arm around Jeongin’s shoulders and fielded him to the living room._

_“Are you sure you’re okay?” Minho whispered as they fell behind the others._

_“I’m okay hyung,” Jeongin insisted, “don’t worry about me.”_

_Minho cuffed the back of his head lightly, “stupid, of course I’m going to worry about you. We’re just lucky our maknae didn’t get burned hmm? Thank goodness you weren’t hurt.”_

_Jeongin fell quiet at that. He felt anything_ but _lucky. He was the one who started the incident, who made the flames surge. He was responsible for his hyungs being injured, so no. Jeongin wasn’t lucky. He was cursed - by this mysterious power that wouldn’t leave him alone. He had no clue how to control it and even less idea of what it_ was _._

_Voices were already fighting for attention in the living room, everyone having a different movie they wanted to watch._

_“Let’s watch Haunted Asylum,” Minho called out over the others as he walked in with Jeongin, plopping the maknae down at the edge of the sofa._

_A collective groan of protest rose up from the boys to the amusement of the dancer._

_“Not horror!” Felix and Jisung cried, shuddering at the thought._

_Minho laughed, “it would be fun! You’re just too scared.”_

_Chan sighed, “NO horror Minho, don’t worry Lix. Why don’t we choose something calm for tonight? It doesn’t have to be a movie, it could be a cartoon or something.”_

_“Oh, oh!” Jisung gasped excitedly, “can we watch Ponyo? Pleaaaase?”_

_“I don’t want to watch Ponyo,” Changbin complained, “you made us watch it five times already.”_

_“But it’s so good,” Jisung whined._

_“But it’s not good enough to watch_ six times _,” Changbin countered, and the two began bickering over the merits of Ponyo and other Ghibli films._

_“Why don’t we just watch Moomin?” Minho suggested and the room fell silent._

_“What, I can’t like Moomin? It’s a classic,” he said defensively as the silence persisted._

_“I like Moomin,” Seungmin said in surprise, “it’s been so long since I’ve watched it.”_

_“Moomin was one of my favorites,” Hyunjin added._

_“... what’s Moomine?”_

_“FELIX!”_

_“YONGBOK!”_

_“Felix Lee!”_

_“Don’t tell me you’ve NEVER seen MOOMIN,” Minho cried loudest in outrage._

_“Don’t call me Yongbok! What is Moomine?”_

_“It’s_ Moomin _, Felix,” Woojin explained calmly, “and it’s a pretty popular kids’ animation around here.”_

_“Well I never heard of it,” Felix sulked, “sorry.”_

_“Okay we_ have _to watch Moomin now,” Jisung declared with finality, “Felix needs to be educated in the ways of childhood brilliance. I cannot accept the atrocity of a brother not knowing Moomin.”_

* * *

_A_ nd that was how Jeongin found himself curled up next to Minho as Chan tried to find Moomin episodes to play online. In the end they could only find it in English, but as the main goal was to introduce it to Felix, they decided it wasn’t a problem. After all, Moomin is still Moomin regardless of language.

Woojin called to order chicken delivered to the dorm after a unanimous decision that chicken had the power to heal their souls. But even the taste of Jeongin’s favorite chicken brand did nothing to make him feel better. He was too busy replaying the events of that night to pay any mind to the way Minho scooched a little closer to play with his hair or how Felix grabbed his hand in comfort. He was too busy sinking further into horror and self-hate at what he’d done to notice the concerned looks from Chan or that the tingling in his stomach wasn’t from anxiety.

In the end, Woojin and Chan forced them all to sleep early since they had schedules tomorrow. Jeongin was so deep in his own fearful thoughts that he let Minho guide him like a puppet to bed and tuck him in. He slipped under the covers and into a frightful sleep as his mind buzzed a constant hum of anxiety.

The last thing he remembered before sleep took him was the way the flames had licked into Changbin’s hand, the look of shock and pain as he fell to the ground, the realization that _Jeongin_ had done that to his own hyung.


End file.
